Crizele de nervi la 3-4 ani
Raspunsuri - Pagina 7
denizel spune:
quote:
Originally posted by simali
Eu cred ca mama asta de care va este sila a fost o data o fetita speriata si batuta care a plans singura fara sa vina nimei sa-i stearga lacrimile. Ca sa poata trai in continuare fetita aceasta a TREBUIT sa se convinga ca cei ce ar trebui sa o protejeze o bat pentru ca-i vor binele si pentru ca ea este rea si merita acest tratament. Cand a devenit ea insasi mama a facut ceea ce a crezut ca fac toti oamenii care te iubesc si-ti vor binele.
alice
Alice, se poate sa fie asa cum spui tu!
Totusi, abuzul fizic si psihic asupra unui copil fara aparare ar trebui sa fie sever sanctionate.
Atata timp cat adultul-parinte stie sa scrie si sa citeasca si are acces la informatie, nu are nici o scuza pt. lipsa de cunostinte legate de nevoile propriului copil.
Slava Domnului, sunt pline librariile de carti care sa vina in ajutorul parintilor care nu mai fac fata 'crizelor' copiilor.
Problema este ca nu toti parintii vor cu adevarat sa stie care sunt nevoile copiilor.
Inca exista parinti care cred ca nevoile copiilor = hrana de calitate, camera proprie, hainute frumoase si o gradinita/scoala de renume.
In plus, pt. un adult cu mintea intreaga, cu cc capacitate de a rationa si cu creierul neinvadat de vreo tumora, nu exista scuze pt. abuzul asupra celorlalti si, mai cu seama, asupra propriului copil.
Un fost copil abuzat, ajuns parinte, ar trebui sa aiba cu atat mai multa empatie si intelegere pt. propriul copil. Nu invers!!! In nici un caz invers!!!!!
Daca pe forum apare acum o biata femeie care se plange ca barbata-sau o bate pana il dor palmele, ce-i zicem?
"Vai saracu', intelege-l! Poate l-a batut si pe el mamica lui cand era mic" sau "fugi cat mai departe de el!!! Acum!!" ??
Deosebirea este ca un adult poate fugi si o poate lua de la capat.
Un copil abuzat de propria mama...unde poate fugi? Cine sa il aline? Cine sa-l mangaie (chiar si cand are 'crize') cine sa-i dea confort si cine sa-i arate ca, pana la urma, lumea poate fi frumoasa? Of! :-((((((((((((((
lorelaim spune:
http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/families/family_abuse.html
"What Is Abuse?
Abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional, verbal, or a combination of any or all of those. Neglect — when parents or guardians don't take care of the basic needs of the children who depend on them — can also be a form of abuse.
Physical abuse is often the most easily spotted form of abuse. It may be any kind of hitting, shaking, burning, pinching, biting, choking, throwing, beating, and other actions that cause physical injury, leave marks, or produce significant physical pain.
Sexual abuse is any type of sexual contact between an adult and anyone younger than 18, or between a significantly older child and a younger child. If a family member sexually abuses another family member, this is called incest.
Emotional abuse can be difficult to pin down because there may not be physical signs. Emotional abuse happens when yelling and anger go too far or when parents constantly criticize, threaten, or dismiss kids or teens until their self-esteem and feelings of self-worth are damaged. Emotional abuse can hurt and cause damage just as physical abuse does.
Neglect is probably the hardest type of abuse to define. Neglect occurs when a child or teen doesn't have adequate food, housing, clothes, medical care, or supervision. Emotional neglect happens when a parent doesn't provide enough emotional support or deliberately and consistently pays very little or no attention to a child. But it's not neglect if a parent doesn't give a kid something he or she wants, like a new computer or a cell phone.
Family violence can affect anyone. It can happen in any kind of family. Sometimes parents abuse each other, which can be hard for a child to witness. Some parents abuse their kids by using physical or verbal cruelty as a way of discipline.
Abuse doesn't just happen in families, of course. Bullying is a form of abusive behavior. Bullying someone through intimidation, threats, or humiliation can be just as abusive as beating someone up. People who bully others may have been abused themselves. This is also true of people who abuse someone they're dating. But being abused is no excuse for abusing someone else.
Abuse can also take the form of hate crimes directed at people just because of their race, religion, abilities, gender, or sexual orientation.
Recognizing Abuse
It may sound strange, but people sometimes have trouble recognizing that they are being abused. Recognizing abuse may be especially difficult for someone who has lived with it for many years. A person might think that it's just the way things are and that there's nothing that can be done. People who are abused might mistakenly think they bring it on themselves by not acting right or by not living up to someone's expectations.
Someone growing up in a family where there is violence or abuse may not know that there are other ways for family members to treat each other. A person who has only known an abusive relationship may mistakenly think that hitting, beating, pushing, shoving, or angry name-calling are perfectly normal ways to treat someone when you're mad. Seeing parents treat each other in abusive ways might lead a child to think that's a normal relationship. But abuse is not a normal or healthy way to treat people.
If you're not sure you are being abused, or if you suspect a friend is, it's always OK to ask a trusted adult or friend.
Why Does It Happen?
If you're one of the thousands of people living in an abusive situation, it can help to understand why some people abuse — and to realize that the violence is not your fault. Sometimes abusers manipulate the people they are abusing by telling them they did something wrong or "asked for it" in some way. But that's not true.
There is no single reason why people abuse others.
But some factors seem to make it more likely that a person may become abusive.Growing up in an abusive family is one factor. Other people become abusive because they're not able to manage their feelings properly. For example, someone who is unable to control anger or can't cope with stressful personal situations (like the loss of a job or marriage problems) may lash out at others inappropriately. Alcohol or drug use also can make it difficult for some people to control their actions.
Certain types of personality disorders or mental illness might also interfere with a person's ability to relate to others in healthy ways or cause people to have problems with aggression or self-control. Of course, not everyone with a personality disorder or mental illness becomes abusive.
Fortunately, abuse can always be corrected. Everyone can learn how to stop.
What Are the Effects of Abuse?
When people are abused, it can affect every aspect of their lives, especially self-esteem. How much abuse harms a person depends on the situation and sometimes on how severe the abuse is. Sometimes a seemingly minor thing can trigger a big reaction. Being touched inappropriately by a family member, for example, can be very confusing and traumatic.
Every family has arguments. In fact, it's rare when a family doesn't have some rough times, disagreements, and anger. Punishments and discipline — like removing privileges, grounding, or being sent to your room — are normal. Yelling and anger are normal in parent–teen relationships too — although it can feel pretty bad to have an argument with a parent or friend. But if punishments, arguments, or yelling go too far or last too long it can lead to stress and other serious problems.
Teens who are abused (or have been in the past) often have trouble sleeping, eating, and concentrating. They may not do well at school because they are angry or frightened, or because they can't concentrate or don't care.
Many people who are abused distrust others. They may feel a lot of anger toward other people and themselves, and it can be hard to make friends. Abuse is a significant cause of depression in young people. Some teens may engage in self-destructive behavior, such as cutting or abusing drugs or alcohol. They may even attempt suicide.
It's normal for people who have been abused to feel upset, angry, and confused about what happened to them. They may feel guilty and embarrassed and blame themselves. But abuse is never the fault of the person who is being abused, no matter how much the abuser tries to blame others.
Abusers may manipulate a person into keeping quiet by saying stuff like: "This is a secret between you and me," or "If you ever tell anybody, I'll hurt you or your mom," or "You're going to get in trouble if you tell. No one will believe you and you'll go to jail for lying." This is the abuser's way of making a person feel like nothing can be done so he or she won't report the abuse.
People who are abused may have trouble getting help because it means they'd be reporting on someone they love — someone who may be wonderful much of the time and awful to them only some of the time. A person might be afraid of the consequences of reporting, either because they fear the abuser or the family is financially dependent on that person. For reasons like these, abuse often goes unreported.
What Should Someone Who's Being Abused Do?
People who are being abused need to get help. Keeping the abuse a secret doesn't protect anyone from being abused — it only makes it more likely that the abuse will continue.
If you or anyone you know is being abused, talk to someone you or your friend can trust — a family member, a trusted teacher, a doctor, or a school or religious youth counselor. Many teachers and counselors have training in how to recognize and report abuse.
Sometimes people who are being abused by someone in their own home need to find a safe place to live temporarily. It is never easy to have to leave home, but it's sometimes necessary to be protected from further abuse. People who need to leave home to stay safe can find local shelters listed in the phone book or they can contact an abuse helpline. Sometimes a person can stay with a relative or friend.
People who are being abused often feel afraid, numb, or lonely. Getting help and support is an important first step toward changing the situation.
Many teens who have experienced abuse find that painful emotions may linger even after the abuse stops. Working with a therapist is one way to sort through the complicated feelings and reactions that being abused creates, and the process can help to rebuild feelings of safety, confidence, and self-esteem.
Reviewed by: Michelle New, PhD
Date reviewed: November 2007"
Lorelai
http://home-and-garden.webshots.com/album/562645890MtEtoL
"Daca dragoste nu e... nimic nu e..."
lorelaim spune:
cateva art care mie mi s-au parut interesante:
http://www.justice.gc.ca/en/ps/fm/childafs.html
http://www.rcmp-grc.gc.ca/ccaps/child_e.htm
http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/ncfv-cnivf/familyviolence/html/nfntsnegl_e.html
http://www.womanabuseprevention.com/html/question5.html
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/child_abuse_physical_emotional_sexual_neglect.htm
si un fragment din ultimul link:
"Causes of child abuse
Why would someone abuse a defenseless child? What kind of person abuses a child? Not all child abuse is deliberate or intended. Several factors in a person's life may combine to cause them to abuse a child:
- Stress, including the stress of caring for children, or the stress of caring for a child with a disability, special needs, or difficult behaviors
- Lack of nurturing qualities necessary for child care
- Immaturity: a disproportionate number of parents who abuse their children are teenagers
- Difficulty controlling anger
- Personal history of being abused
- Isolation from the family or community
- Physical or mental health problems, such as depression and anxiety
- Alcohol or drug abuse
- Personal problems such as marital conflict, unemployment, or financial difficulties.
No one has been able to predict which of these factors will cause someone to abuse a child. A significant factor is that abuse tends to be intergenerational – those who were abused as children are more likely to repeat the act when they become parents or caretakers.
In addition, many forms of child abuse arise from ignorance. Sometimes a cultural tradition leads to abuse. Such beliefs include:
- Children are property.
- Parents (especially fathers) have the right to control their children in any way they wish.
- Children need to be toughened up to face the hardships of life.
- Girls need to be genitally mutilated to assure virginity and later marriage. "
Lorelai
http://home-and-garden.webshots.com/album/562645890MtEtoL
"Daca dragoste nu e... nimic nu e..."
filofteia spune:
Ce m-a socat pe mine este ca cineva care citeste de un an forumul nu reuseste sa se autoeduce.
Simali, spun si eu ca Noe...eu am jurat ca nu-mi voi atinge copilul. Mama ma batea si radea de mine. Primul lucru pe care i l-am spus sotului cand am intrat in casa a fost "Copilul nu se atinge nici cu o palma la fund peste pampersi"... si asa a fost si este.
quote:
cum oare sa-i vorbesc pe un ton calm daca imi vine sa-l arunc pe fereastra? mi-e imposibil sa vorbesc pe un ton calm daca sunt nervoasa. si pe langa asta, oricat m-as preface simte cand sunt nervoasa.
si chiar daca as reusi, ar fi doar cazuri izolate, eu am nevoie de ceva constant.dar cum ziceam asta e doar experienta mea, nu am un copil care sa inteleaga argumente logice :)
In ce priveste nervii... fiecare are nervi...chiar si mie mi s-a intamplat sa simt ca l-as arunca pe geam. Mai ales cand ai un copil activ si plin de idei, dar cand am tipat la el, a fost de genul...nu pune mana pe aia, nu baga degetul acolo, da-te jos de pe ramura aia, sau... Important este sa motivezi mereu reactia ta..mereu i-am spus copilului ori ca mi-a fost frica, ori ca sunt obosita...de altfel il anunt de cand ne intalnim daca mi-e rau sau sunt stresata. Daca l-am certat fara motiv mi-am cerut mereu iertare si mereu i-am amintit ca mami il iubeste si atunci cand tipa la el si atunci cand se supara pe el...tot timpul.
In ce priveste tatii... i-am explicat ca numai cine n-a avut copil se poate uita cas la copilul nostru. Si da unii trebuie educati...sau trebuie sa le traduci cam ce simte copilul cand reactioneaza asa sau cand el (tati) reactioneaza ciudat. Pana acum la noi a mers.
lorelaim spune:
Ce nu pot eu sa intzeleg... persoanele "educate" de pe forum... chiar NU pot nici cum sa intzeleaga ca exista probleme reale (medicale - sau de alta natura) care NU pot fii rezolvate/controlate fara ajutor profesional? Daca o pers citeste un form nu inseamna ca si poate sa-si rezolve problemele!
De ce suntetzi gata sa "datzi cu piatra"? ce cunoastezi despre alexa38? suntetzi pregatite sa o ajutatzi cu adevarat in caz de nevoie? sau doar s-o facetzi praf si pulbere? NU sunt de-acord sub nici o forma ca-si loveste fetitza! NU-NU-NU!
Dar intrebarea ramane: cum poate fii ajutata? si cum pot fii ajutate persoanele care se afla in situatzia ei? (parerea mea e ca... in NICI un caz cu mesaje pline de ura!)
Lorelai
http://home-and-garden.webshots.com/album/562645890MtEtoL
"Daca dragoste nu e... nimic nu e..."
szivarvany spune:
Lorelaim, de exemplu noi facem un curs la gradi despre educatia copiilor. Vizionam filme, avem teme de casa in care observam si notam copilul si reactiile noastre. Insa participa fff putine mamici, din pacate :(
Daca Alexa ar fi interesata, i as putea scana si trimite pe mail ce am invatat pana acum, avem cursuri :-)
Daria & 
GIULIA(2004 08 16) arta la 3,4 ani Alba ca Zapada
Donia spune:
quote:
Originally posted by lorelaim
Ce nu pot eu sa intzeleg... persoanele "educate" de pe forum... chiar NU pot nici cum sa intzeleaga ca exista probleme reale (medicale - sau de alta natura) care NU pot fii rezolvate/controlate fara ajutor profesional? Daca o pers citeste un form nu inseamna ca si poate sa-si rezolve problemele!
De ce suntetzi gata sa "datzi cu piatra"? ce cunoastezi despre alexa38? suntetzi pregatite sa o ajutatzi cu adevarat in caz de nevoie? sau doar s-o facetzi praf si pulbere? NU sunt de-acord sub nici o forma ca-si loveste fetitza! NU-NU-NU!
Dar intrebarea ramane: cum poate fii ajutata? si cum pot fii ajutate persoanele care se afla in situatzia ei? (parerea mea e ca... in NICI un caz cu mesaje pline de ura!)
Copiii se nasc perfecti - rolul parintelui e sa nu strice ceea ce Dumnezeu sau natura a creat.
mihaela_ce spune:
Nu poti sa ajuti pe nimeni ,atata vreme cat persoana nu constientizeaza ca are o problema.Ajutorul cu forta se transforma in altceva.Nici pe alcoolici nu-i ia nimeni si ii duce la dezalcolizare fortat.Poti sa fi ajutat atunci cand vrei sa indrepti ceva ,dar nu poti singur.
Daca nu-ti dai seama ca ai o problema atunci chiar e grav si e de competenta specialistilor.
denizel spune:
Lorelaim, sunt sigura ca fiecare, dar absolut fiecare! din fetele care au scris aici, sunt gata sa o ajute pe alexa38.
E drept, nu poate sa-ti produca valuri de simpatie o femeie care declara senin ca da, da pana o dor mainile si ca dragaleste doar cand toate cerintele au fost bifate, dar fiecare din noi suntem gata sa vorbim cu ea si sa o convingem :-) ca, un copil este o fiinta cu drepturi egale cu ale noastre, care merita respect si protectie.
alexa38, te asteptam! :-)
Donia spune:
Pana una alta, s-ar putea ca toate criticile sa o fi indepartat definitiv de subiect.
Copiii se nasc perfecti - rolul parintelui e sa nu strice ceea ce Dumnezeu sau natura a creat.