Parinti cu grave deficiente emotionale
Raspunsuri - Pagina 20
Morgano spune:
Felicia 
(am crezut ca ai nascut 
) gresesti. Ai impartit in postul anterior, cumva, mamele in categorii, acum in 2, desigur la topic ma refer.
Mamele sunt diferite complet, asa cum fiecare copil este un individ de sine statator cu o personalitate complet diferita de a altora. Asa ca nu le poti nicicum imparti si categorisi. Pentru ca, pentru fiecare copil FERICIT cu adevarat, mama lui este cea mai buna mama, cu toate defectele, scaparile, greselile ei.
Consider, ca un fel de concluzie, ca atat timp cat tu ca mama te poti plia dupa nevoile, dorintele, starile, personalitatea copilului tau si impreuna va merge bine, copilul e fericit iar tu simti asta, inseamna ca ai reusit sa fii o mama buna.
Si pentru asta e nevoie de o mama detasata de trecut, de job, de probleme strict personale pentru a-si intelege copilul ca persoana de sine statatoare si nu ca "anexa" sau "parte" sau "responsabilitate". Ma refer la cele care nu reusesc ca atunci cand ajung acasa langa copii sa se detaseze de orice altceva din afara. Si nu insinuez deloc ca o mama ocupata, deprimata sau stresata isi vede copilul cum am scris mai sus. UN PARINTE CU GRAVE DEFICIENTE EMOTIONALE NU POATE FI UN BUN PARINTE DECAT IN MASURA IN CARE TRECE PESTE PROBLEMELE PERSONALE SI LE REZOLVA INAINTE CA ACESTEA SA II AFECTEZE COPIII SI FAMILIA. Scuze de caps, dar da, am strigat-o
Mi se intampla sa vin de la birou tracasata, sa am carnea si legumele pe masa, sa fiu nevoita sa pun haine la spalat si sa gatesc vreo 3 ore. Si desigur, in timpul asta imi "neglijez" fetele, pentru ca sunt atenta la gospodareala. Le tin ocupate cu indeletniciri placute. Ne-am adaptat programul, de la sine.
Acel "quality time" petrecut cu copilul il vad ca tinta mea si esentialul in relatia mea cu copiii mei. Poate sunt doar 2 ore, poate doar 15 min. pt ca nu ma pot imparti in 100, insa cand stau cu fetele mi se rupe de orice altceva si le acord atentia mea 100%.
Ripley, mami de Ana Ecaterina (10.11.2005) si Iris Maria (10.10.2007)
Ramona J spune:
quote:
Originally posted by dianocica
ramona, pai eu cred ca e nevoie de mai mult decat a nu abuza de copil, tu nu?
I'm not trying to be difficult...it just comes naturally.
Daca nu abuzezi copilul esti parinte bun?
The best thing you can do for your children is to love your wife.
MissParker spune:
quote:
Originally posted by Ripley
UN PARINTE CU GRAVE DEFICIENTE EMOTIONALE NU POATE FI UN BUN PARINTE DECAT IN MASURA IN CARE TRECE PESTE PROBLEMELE PERSONALE SI LE REZOLVA INAINTE CA ACESTEA SA II AFECTEZE COPIII SI FAMILIA.
Pai ai rezumat perfect intentia mea cu acest topic. Exact despre acele probleme personale voiam eu sa vorbim, sa schimbam impresii, pareri, experiente proprii din care sa invatam cu totii. Tocmai ca sa incerc sa-mi mai rezolv si eu din problemele personale care risca mai tarziu sa-mi afecteze copilul...
Felicia 
38+ mami under construction pentru 
- David
Poze cu noi si vacantele noastre
We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
(T.S. Eliot)
dianocica spune:
Dianocica eu n-am vazut pina acum parinte perfect - dar daca tu zici ca esti, cine sint eu sa te contrazic?
-----------------------------
ramona, pai eu cred ca e nevoie de mai mult decat a nu abuza de copil, tu nu?
-----------------------------
Daca nu abuzezi copilul esti parinte bun?
oare vorbim aceeasi limba?
eu nu m-am declarat perfecta, am spus doar ca nu am simtit nici un impuls sa imi abuzez copilul. si ca totusi asta nu e deajuns pt a fi un parinte perfect.
hai sa nu mai facem ping-pong pe topicul fetei si sa ne lamurim pe privat daca nici acum nu am fost suficient de explicita.
I'm not trying to be difficult...it just comes naturally.
rrox3 spune:
quote:
Originally posted by ruxij
Eu zic ca daca un copil e iubit totul va fi OK. Mai depinde si de norocul fiecaruia. Ce atata despicat firul in patru--povestea cu cocosul rosu?
In principiu daca un copil e iubit totul poate fi OK. Numai ca aproape toti parintii care-si trateaza prost copii, isi iubesc copii. Asa cum stiu ei sa iubeasca. Si proprii lor copii cred ca sunt iubiti de parinti. Hm... se complica lucrurile, nu?
Chestia cu norocul ma revolta pur si simplu. Nu jucam poker, facem copii si odata ce iti accepti rolul de parinte ai o gramada de responsabilitati.
Mie mi se pare sanatos sa despicam firul in patru, opt sau in cate e nevoie pana ce fiecare din noi intelege bine firul respectiv. De ce nu l-am despica? Apucatura asta proasta a omenirii de a despica firul in n-spe a dus-o dintotdeauna la progres. Hai sa progresam si noi un pic.
Roxana, Mariuca (n. 1 iulie 1999) si Ioana (n. 23 martie 2005)
olympia spune:
1.Ce inseamna "parinte cu grave deficiente emotionale"?
2.Miss Parker, Rox, ce ar putea face un asemenea parinte, peste ani, pt. a indrepta cat de cat greselile din trecut? Voi ce asteptati de la mamele voastre? Exista ceva ce ar mai putea face azi, pentru voi?
Ramona J spune:
Dianocica, nu sintem pe aceeasi lungime de unda asa ca mai bine o lasam balta. Uite ca tot sintem de acord cu ceva.
The best thing you can do for your children is to love your wife.
rrox3 spune:
quote:
Originally posted by olympia
2.Miss Parker, Rox, ce ar putea face un asemenea parinte, peste ani, pt. a indrepta cat de cat greselile din trecut? Voi ce asteptati de la mamele voastre? Exista ceva ce ar mai putea face azi, pentru voi?
Bineinteles ca exista.
Ar putea sa admita ca au gresit si ca noi am suferit fara vina. Ar putea sa isi ceara iertare. Atat. E foarte putin si totusi foarte mult. Nu e un gest pe care il cere orgoliul ranit - asa cum s-ar putea crede - e un gest care ajuta enorm la recapatarea echilibrului.
Dar de ce ma intrebi in special de mama? Nu am scris nicaieri pe forum ceva despre ea si defapt nimic despre cum mi-am dobandit eu cunostiinte profunde in domeniu...
Roxana, Mariuca (n. 1 iulie 1999) si Ioana (n. 23 martie 2005)
roz6 spune:
"To gain energy, we tend to manipulate or force others to give us attention and thus energy. When we successfully dominate others in this way, we feel more powerful, but they are left weakened and often fight back. Competition for scarce, human energy is the cause of all conflict between people.
Insecurity and violence end when we experience an inner connection with divine energy within, a connection described by mystics of all traditions. A sense of lightness or buoyancy along with the constant sensation of love are measures of this connection. If these measures are present, the connection is real. If not, it is only pretended.
The more we stay connected with divine energy, the more we are acutely aware of those times when we lose connection, usually when we are under stress. In these times, we can see our own particular way of stealing energy from others.
Here the four main "control dramas"—the Interrogator, the Intimidator, the Aloof, and the Poor Me—are discussed. Each person unconsciously prefers one of these four to suck energy out of others. A way of getting these under control is disclosed.
General control drama styles.
Everyone manipulates for energy either aggressively--directly forcing people to pay attention to them, or passively--playing on people's sympathy or curiosity to gain attention.
1. Aloof: in order to get energy coming your way, you withdraw and look mysterious and secretive. You hope that someone will be pulled into this drama and try to figure out what's going on with you. When someone does, you remain vague, forcing him or her to struggle, dig and try to discern your true feelings. As they do so, they give you their full attention and that sends their energy to you. The longer you can keep them interested and mystified, the more energy you receive.
2. Interrogator: sets up a drama of asking questions and probing into another person's world with the specific purpose of finding something wrong. Once they do, they criticize this aspect of the other's life. If this strategy succeeds, the person being criticized is pulled into the drama. He finds himself paying attention to what the interrogator is doing and thinking about, not to do something wrong the interrogator would notice. This psychic deference gives the interrogator the energy he desires. Interrogators pull you off your own path and drain your energy because you judge yourself by what they might be thinking.
3. Intimidator: someone who threatens you, either verbally or physically. You are forced by fear to pay attention to him or her, and so, to give him or her your energy. This is the most aggressive kind of drama.
4. Poor Me (Victim): someone who tells you all the horrible things that are happening to him or her, implying perhaps that you are responsible, and that, if you refuse to help, these horrible things are going to continue. Someone who makes you feel guilty when you're in his or her presence, even though you know there is no reason to feel that way. Everything he/she says and does puts you in a place where you have to defend against the idea that you're not doing enough for him/her.
People use more than one drama in different circumstances, but most of us have one dominant control drama that we tend to repeat, depending on which one worked well of the members of our early family. A person goes to whatever extreme necessary to get attention energy in their family.
1. Interrogator parents tend to create aloof children. When someone continually asks you questions, only to find something wrong with your answers, you must get vague and distant and try to say things that will get their attention, but not reveal enough to give them something to criticize.
2. Intimidators tend to create poor me children (or another intimidator). If someone is draining your energy by threatening you with physical, mental or emotional violence, being aloof doesn't work; you can't get them to give you energy by playing coy; you are forced to become more passive, and guilt-trip them about the harm they are doing. If this doesn't work, then, as a child you endure until you are old enough to explode against the violence and fight aggression with aggression.
3. Aloof parents tend to create interrogator children. If you were a child and your family members were either not there or ignored you, playing aloof would not get their attention. You would have to resort to probing and prying and finally finding something wrong in these aloof people in order to force attention and energy.
• To find your true self you must go back to your family experience and review what happened. Once we become conscious of our control drama, we can focus on the higher truth of our family that lies beyond the energy conflict. Once we find this truth, it will tell us who we are, the path we are on, what we are doing.
• Once you learn what life is about, there is no way to erase the knowledge. If you try to do something else with your life, you will always sense that you are missing something.
• Our children take our level of vibration and raise it even higher. This is how we, as humans, continue evolution.
• How to help this process of maintaining one's path: Insure that your energy level is high by focusing on the unique beauty and shape of everything, especially nature; love is not an intellectual concept or moral imperative, it is a background emotion that exists when one is connected to the energy available in the universe; when you have acquired enough energy, you are ready to consciously engage evolution, to produce the coincidences that will lead you forward.
• Always remember to stop as often as necessary to reconnect your energy. Stay full, stay in a state of love. Once you achieve this state of love, nothing and no one can pull more energy from you than you can replace. But you must stay conscious of this process in order for it to work. This is especially important when you interact with people".
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Celestine_Prophecy
ruxij spune:
quote:
Originally posted by rrox3quote:
Originally posted by ruxij
Eu zic ca daca un copil e iubit totul va fi OK. Mai depinde si de norocul fiecaruia. Ce atata despicat firul in patru--povestea cu cocosul rosu?
In principiu daca un copil e iubit totul poate fi OK. Numai ca aproape toti parintii care-si trateaza prost copii, isi iubesc copii. Asa cum stiu ei sa iubeasca. Si proprii lor copii cred ca sunt iubiti de parinti. Hm... se complica lucrurile, nu?
Chestia cu norocul ma revolta pur si simplu. Nu jucam poker, facem copii si odata ce iti accepti rolul de parinte ai o gramada de responsabilitati.
Mie mi se pare sanatos sa despicam firul in patru, opt sau in cate e nevoie pana ce fiecare din noi intelege bine firul respectiv. De ce nu l-am despica? Apucatura asta proasta a omenirii de a despica firul in n-spe a dus-o dintotdeauna la progres. Hai sa progresam si noi un pic.
Roxana, Mariuca (n. 1 iulie 1999) si Ioana (n. 23 martie 2005)
Ma rog, eu voiam sa va spun ca nu's de acord cu ce spune tipul din mesajul de inceput. In rest, personal nu imi fac nici un fel de griji in privinta problemelor emotionale transmise copilului meu, la mine faptul ca e iubit inseamna ca fac totul pentru el si am f. multa incredere si in mine/capacitatile mele si in el. Fiecare facem greseli, dar dupa mine, orice om normal, rezonabil si cu bun simt e suficient sa isi iubeasca copilul profund si sa se poarte in consecinta ca sa fie OK. Acu' eu nu ma refer la aia de isi abuzeaza copiii, aia nu's nici normali nici cu bun simt.