Crizele de nervi la 3-4 ani
Raspunsuri - Pagina 14
simali spune:
quote:
si referitor la "crizele de raft" as vrea sa va intreb si pe voi cum cumparati jucariile? Adica cat de des?sau cu ce ocazie?
quote:
Cumpar jucarii cand am eu chef. Pentru ca e casa atat de plina de jucarii de nu mai avem pe unde sa calcam si pentru ca eu muncesc pe bani nu el. Plus ziua lui sau un eveniment special. Nu exista nici o logica in cat de des cumperi jucarii pentru simplul motiv ca de la un punct incolo copilul nu mai are cu adevarat nevoie de o jucarie noua; vrea de fite si tu cumperi de fite. Deci clar toata lumea trebuie sa aiba o dispozitie speciala cand cumpara chestii de fite.
De exemplu cand se uita gales la mine cu ochi de caprioara... sau cand pleadeaza atat de frumos pentru un nou joc cu cavaleri... sau cand dezvolta brusc o pasiune pentru regimente de puscasi din vremea lui Napoleon... sau cand iesim noi doi "la distractii" si atunci chiar nu ne refuzam nimic...
Dupa cum vezi nu are nici o logica...
Dar nici nu pot sa cumpar saptamanal porcarii doar ca sa satisfac fite. Si atunci spun "Nu" si copilul pricepe ca nu s-au aliniat planetele. Pana cand o avea el banii lui munciti de el cam asa o sa stea treaba.
alice
Donia spune:
Miss Parker, nu trebuie sa-ti ceri scuze, eu tocmai de aceea am cerut clarificari, pentru ca nu am inteles exact ce ai vrut sa spui. Si nu as fi vrut sa ma las in voia primei reactii, tocmai pentru ca stiu ca nu putem sa comunicam in scris la fel de bine ca prin viu grai 
Copiii se nasc perfecti - rolul parintelui e sa nu strice ceea ce Dumnezeu sau natura a creat.
lorelaim spune:
Avad in vedere ca pe mine din totdeauna m-au enervat rau de tot sfaturile de tipul "cand te infurie ia-l in bratze si spune-i ca-l iubesti"... pt ca suna atat de... fals... de nerealist si... de absurd... m-am bucurat nespus si sincer vorbind a fost o reala revelatzie pt mine cand in cartzile pe care le-am citit am gasit sfaturi realmente de bun simtz si "cu scaun la cap" adecvate situatziilor reale in care parintzi reali si normali (nu sfintzi) trebuie sa faca fatza copiilor in plin tantrum (care numai "ingerasi" nu sunt in acel moment...).
Deci - printre autorii a caror cartzi le-am citi cu placere se numara si Dr. Pantley care spune asa:
"Steps to Handling Your Anger
By Elizabeth Pantley
Family life is complicated and unpredictable. Expectations, frustrations and responsibilities can create angry emotions in both parents and children. Even if you are skilled at parenting, and even if you are committed to your family, you cannot eliminate the unpleasant situations and intense emotions that occur in all families. However, once you understand where the anger comes from, and once you adjust your responses, and learn ways to control your reactions with an anger-management plan, those unpleasant emotions can be reined in before they explode in hurtful, harmful angry reactions.
What sets you off?
Most parents get angry over issues that are insignificant in the grand scheme of life, yet happen on such a regular basis that they become blown out of proportion. Some of the most common parenting issues that trigger anger are whining, temper tantrums, sibling bickering, mood inconsistencies, and non-cooperation. Determine which behaviors most bother you and set about making a plan to correct each problem that sets off your anger.
Notice your hot spots
In addition to triggers, there are “hot spots” in the day when anger more easily rises to the surface. These are typically times when family members are tired, hungry or stressed. These emotions leave us more vulnerable to anger. This can happen in the early morning, before naptime, before meals, or at bedtime. You may also encounter situations when misbehavior increases, and so does your anger: grocery shopping, playdates, or family visits, for example.
Set a plan
Doing things the way you’ve always done them and expecting different results only leaves you frustrated and angry. Instead, identify your anger triggers and hot spots and take action to change things for the better. Determine if there are things you can do differently to ward off some of the issues that spark your anger. For example, if the morning rush brings stress, you can prepare things the night before: set out clothing, pack lunches, collect shoes. Then create a “morning poster” that outlines the daily routine step-by-step. If you find that tempers are shorter in the hour before dinner, set out healthy appetizers, enlist the kids’ help in preparing dinner, get the kids involved in a craft activity, or plan an earlier meal time. If differing expectations in two households create stress and tension then make a “house rules” poster and hang it in a visible location.
Adopt a six-step anger management plan
No matter how hard you try, there will be moments when your anger begins to get the best of you. Here is a six-step plan to controlling anger can be used in nearly any stressful situation:
Step 1 – Stop.
No matter the problem, the results will be better if you calm yourself down first. Tune into your body – when you feel your tension rising (jaw clenching, muscles tightening) and your control begins to slip, put out your hands and say, “STOP.” Then stop talking and stop moving.
Step 2 – Space.
When you are angry, the last thing you need is to stay face-to-face with the child who is upsetting you. So create some breathing space. Put the baby in the crib, your toddler in the playroom, or walk away from a yelling child. Or put yourself in the bathroom for a grown-up time out.
Step 3 – Soothe.
Once you stop flow of anger, and have moved away from your child, take time to calm yourself down. Breathe deeply, close your eyes, and stretch out your tight muscles. And go ahead – count to ten…or even one hundred.
Step 4 – Specify.
Now it’s time to discover the real issue that sparked your anger and define the exact problem. It might be: “He ignores me when I tell him to do something.” Or “She’s cranky but won’t go to bed.” Or “I’m trying my best and he continues to test me.”
Step 5 – Solve.
Now… it’s time to make a plan to solve the problem. By this point your anger will be tapering off, and you will have clearly identified what went wrong. It is time to decide how best to solve the dilemma. Consider your options, look up the topic in a book, or talk it over with another adult. You might even jot down possible solutions. It’s best to have two or three ideas, since solutions are rarely simple or quick.
Step 6 – Follow through.
Once you’ve taken these steps you will be ready to return to your child to address the situation. You’ll be calm, in control, and you’ll have a plan. Now all that’s left is to follow through. Be patient with yourself. It takes time to master these steps, but once you do, you will have a blueprint for maintaining a better relationship with your child and a calmer, happier family.
Parts of this article are excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth"
Lorelai
http://home-and-garden.webshots.com/album/562645890MtEtoL
"Daca dragoste nu e... nimic nu e..."
lorelaim spune:
Si inca un art care mie mi-a placut:
"Banish Common Parenting Myths
By Elizabeth Pantley
As if it isn’t challenging enough to raise children, most parents believe myths that make them feel confused and inadequate. These horrible myths can spoil the joy of family life. You may have never realized how intensely these beliefs affect you, but they do. By acknowledging that these myths exist in your life, you take the first step toward eliminating them. Learning the truth will erase your doubts and build your confidence. Here are a few of the most common parenting myths:
MYTH: If a parent is truly committed to a child and provides him with attention and love, then that child will behave properly.
TRUTH: You could be totally committed to your child. You could love him with all of your heart. You could do absolutely everything right. In fact, you could be a magnificent, spectacular, utterly faultless saint, and your child would still misbehave. The truth is: ALL children misbehave. ALL children make mistakes. ALL children will have temper tantrums, whine and fuss. It’s part of the process of growing up.
REALITY CHECK: Love your child, and do the best you can. And don’t let normal misbehavior wear down your confidence. Give yourself and your child enough room to be human.
MYTH: If you love your child, and if your intentions are good, parenting will come naturally to you.
TRUTH: Loving your child is easy. Raising your child is hard. Effective parenting skills are learned. Parenting is complicated, intense, and ever-changing. In order to be a calm, effective, parent you need knowledge and skills, but almost no one is born with these skills.
REALITY CHECK: Just like driving a car, mastering a computer program, or becoming skilled at any sport, hobby or job – good parenting is something we need to learn. You can learn by trial-and-error – but that can be wildly frustrating. Instead, take a class, read a book, join a support group – you’ll be amazed to find that a few good tips can make your life much easier.
MYTH: You should read baby books and take a baby care class when you are a new parent, after that you’ll figure out how to raise your child on your own - through experience.
TRUTH: Taking care of a baby is our first step in the journey of parenthood. Just when we feel confident with our skills for raising babies, we turn around to find many of the things that we’ve learned do not apply to a walking, talking toddler. We adjust our approach, only to find that disrupted when our toddler turns into a preschooler, and again when he becomes a grade-schooler, and again when he enters the teen years . . . and yet again when our child graduates and moves on to college or adult life.
REALITY CHECK: We actually have a brand new parenting job each time our child passes from one milestone to another in his life. Just like any other undertaking, the more knowledge you have at each step of the way, the more confident you will feel and the easier your job will be, and the better your life-long relationship with your child.
MYTH: If parents are a perfectly matched couple, and they have a strong relationship, then they will agree about how to raise their children.
TRUTH: It’s very common for two parents, even those who are perfectly matched and in a happy relationship, to disagree about child-rearing approaches. Some may disagree about baby care issues, yet others will be perfectly in sync during the baby years and then find they are at odds when their child becomes school age or enters the teen years.
The way that we approach child-rearing is influenced by our own past experiences – both the things we choose to do, and the things we try to avoid. It is nearly impossible for two people to be in perfect agreement on every parenting decision.
REALITY CHECK: Even when we agree on basic fundamental parenting theory, we might slightly disagree on approach. Even if we agree on approach, our differing personalities guarantee that we won’t always handle things in exactly the same way. Good communication and ongoing discussion can help any couple to find agreement on important issues as they raise their children.
MYTH: Good parents don’t lose their patience and don't yell at their children.
TRUTH: Even the most peaceful easy-going parent loses patience and yells from time to time. No matter how much we love our children, they will try our patience, they will make mistakes, and they will make us mad. All children have their “naughty” moments. And, guess what? When children are “naughty”— parents lose their patience and <gasp> they YELL.
REALITY CHECK: It’s normal to lose your cool and yell at your children, but it isn’t fun and it isn’t productive. Take the time to learn a few new anger management skills and some parenting tools. These will help those angry moments become less intense and less frequent.
Take some time to think about these and other myths that you have believed. Ponder where these beliefs originated, and why you believe them to be truth. Then contemplate what you learning about the truth of the matter. When you analyze myths and replace them with your own truth, it can help you to approach parenting in a more honest, uncluttered and enjoyable way.
Parts of this article are excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth"
Lorelai
http://home-and-garden.webshots.com/album/562645890MtEtoL
"Daca dragoste nu e... nimic nu e..."
lorelaim spune:
Si despre "a trozni" (to spank):
"Is spanking an effective form of discipline?
In my house, my father had a belt hanging on a hook in the kitchen. It was a visible reminder to be good or to be put over his knee. We were all afraid of that belt. One day, my father couldn't find it. Eventually it was found — in the trashcan. My little sister, then age six, had decided the garbage would be a better place for it! She was due for a spanking and was trying to avoid it.
Once discovered, she knew her spanking would be worse than ever. When my father put her over his knee, he noticed that her little rear end had been replaced by a large lumpy surface: wadded-up towels in her underpants! Boy did he get angry! He pulled out the towels, pulled down her pants, and proceeded to hit her. I can still remember the welts on her bottom after her bare skin was hit with that belt. As a mother with four children of my own, the memory brings tears to my eyes.
The odd thing is that both my sister and I remember the spanking, but neither of us can recall what the behavior was that caused it. We know that our father must have been trying to teach a lesson. The lesson, however, has been lost. The memory of the spanking is all that remains.
Our parents punished us the same way in which they were punished. And their parents punished them the same way in which our grandparents were punished as children. After all, we learn what we live. We tend to parent the way we were parented. Somewhere along the line, parents need to stop the pattern. They need to evaluate their child-rearing methods, especially checking for those destructive practices that they may be following simply out of habit. Parents need to research the current data, analyze their current parenting results, and continually look for better answers.
I have four children. They are respectful, responsible, well-behaved, and just plain great kids. I don't believe in spanking, and have used only positive, loving discipline with them. Parents often ask me whether they should spank their children or not. When looking at the issue of spanking, I urge them to consider the following:
· Spanking does nothing to teach a child to develop inner discipline. A child's focus is on the spanking itself, not on a review of the behavior that led to it. After a spanking, a child does not sit in his room and think, “Gee, I sure goofed. But I really learned something. Next time I'll behave.” Instead a child is typically thinking, “It's not fair! She doesn't understand! I hate her.”
· Spanking is seen as punishment for a crime, payment for a debt. In other words, once paid, they have a clean slate. Spanking gets in the way of allowing a child to develop a conscience. The guilt that follows misbehavior is a prime motivator for change. Spanking takes away the guilt, because the crime has been paid for.
· Spanking makes the parent feel better. When we get angry, we move into the “fight or flight” mode. Our adrenaline surges, and we have a primitive need to strike out. Hitting releases this negative energy and helps us feel better. But even a minor spanking can escalate into major abuse. Parents have reported that, in the heat of the moment, it's hard to stop hitting; some say that they don't even realize how hard they've hit until they see the bruise.
· Parents who spank sometimes come to rely on it as their primary source of discipline. If you give yourself permission to spank, it becomes a quick fix for all kinds of problems; it blocks off the effective use of other more productive methods.
· Spanking gets in the way of a healthy parent-child relationship. Children look up to their parents as protectors, teachers, and guides. When a parent breaks that pattern by hitting a child, the relationship suffers.
· Spanking is not an effective form of discipline. Hitting a child typically stops a behavior at that point because of shock, fear, or pain. But most children turn around and repeat the same behavior — sometimes even the same day!
· Spanking is not humane or Christian behavior. I know many Christian families who believe in spanking. They often quote to me from the Bible, “Spare the rod and spoil the child.” Now, I am not an expert on the Bible, but I am a Christian, and from that position only do I give you this opinion. I believe that the “rod” as referred to here means a tool of discipline. In the days of the Bible, a shepherd used a “rod” to guide his sheep — he did not hit them with it. His rod was seen as a symbol of his authority over the animals, not a tool to cause them pain.
· I also ask you these questions: If God walked into your home today and saw your child misbehave, would He hit your child? I would say, definitely not! Would He discipline your child? Would He teach your child? Would He guide your child? I would say yes, absolutely!
· Sanking does teach a lesson. The lesson is: “When you don't know what else to do — hit!” Or, “When you're bigger, you can hit.” Or, “When you're really angry, you can get your way by hitting.” It's common knowledge that children who are frequently hit are more likely to accept the use of violence and are more likely to hit other children. It only makes sense, because, after all, children learn what they live. Children who are spanked often have more resentment and anger, and lower self-esteem.
· Spanking is illogical. I've read several articles that address the issue of spanking in which the writer says it's okay to spank if the child is in danger — for instance, if a toddler is running into the street, or reaching out to touch a hot burner on the stove. They suggest that, at these times, a few pops on the rear end are okay. I must admit this naďve mindset baffles me. Why in the world would we want to teach our children about safety by hurting them? Does you ski instructor jab you with his ski pole to teach you not to jump off the chairlift?
A parent who believes that spanking is the only effective way to teach a young child about safety issues is not giving the child enough credit.
Children — even little ones — can indeed learn about safety through our teaching them. As a matter of fact, through teaching they will learn much more, as they can absorb the reason for the rule, and over time, can learn to make good decisions on their own. I watched two friends one summer teach their toddlers not to run in the street.
Mom A give her toddler a swat on the rear every time he went into the street. Mom B picked up her toddler, looked him in the eye, and said, "NO street! Dangerous. Stay by Mommy." By the end of the summer, both children learned to stay out of the street. Which child understood why? And which child has better communication with his mother?
Positive, respectful, consistent discipline is the real key to raising well-behaved children."
Lorelai
http://home-and-garden.webshots.com/album/562645890MtEtoL
"Daca dragoste nu e... nimic nu e..."
ana_a spune:
quote:
Originally posted by simaliquote:
si referitor la "crizele de raft" as vrea sa va intreb si pe voi cum cumparati jucariile? Adica cat de des?sau cu ce ocazie?
quote:
Cumpar jucarii cand am eu chef. Pentru ca e casa atat de plina de jucarii de nu mai avem pe unde sa calcam si pentru ca eu muncesc pe bani nu el. Plus ziua lui sau un eveniment special. Nu exista nici o logica in cat de des cumperi jucarii pentru simplul motiv ca de la un punct incolo copilul nu mai are cu adevarat nevoie de o jucarie noua; vrea de fite si tu cumperi de fite. Deci clar toata lumea trebuie sa aiba o dispozitie speciala cand cumpara chestii de fite.
De exemplu cand se uita gales la mine cu ochi de caprioara... sau cand pleadeaza atat de frumos pentru un nou joc cu cavaleri... sau cand dezvolta brusc o pasiune pentru regimente de puscasi din vremea lui Napoleon... sau cand iesim noi doi "la distractii" si atunci chiar nu ne refuzam nimic...
Dupa cum vezi nu are nici o logica...
Dar nici nu pot sa cumpar saptamanal porcarii doar ca sa satisfac fite. Si atunci spun "Nu" si copilul pricepe ca nu s-au aliniat planetele. Pana cand o avea el banii lui munciti de el cam asa o sa stea treaba.
alice
da...ai dreptate.Ana -
- mamica de bondar 
bzzzzz - cu aripi si acusor - Stefan de 3 ani si....expozitia de lucrari
castelul de zapada
construim
Porumbita spune:
lerelaim
lorelaim spune:
Porumbitza - multzumesc
Pt cine doreste sa citeasca mai mult - uite un art de Michele Borba:
"Simple Mommy Secrets
Seven Simple Mommy Secrets for Calming Tempers (Including Yours)by Michele Borba, Ed.D.
Excerpted from 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids
Sure it’s great to be a mom, but it’s also one of the most stressful, exhausting roles on the planet. The fact is, meltdowns are inevitable in any home, and even more so these days when it everyone is leading treadmill-paced lives. So let’s be clear: Anger is normal, but how you choose to deal with yours can make you the Queen Role Model for your family or the Wicked Witch of the North. The important Mommy Secret is finding a way to keep those meltdowns to a minimum. The good news is there are a number of strategies that will help us keep the peace and cool those quick tempers. The real trick is discovering works best for you, and then rehearsing it over and over until it kicks and becomes a habit. Here are seven Mommy Secrets that help you stay calmer, control anger and keep your household more peaceful and harmonious.
1. Take five. My girlfriend bought herself a nature tape of rain sounds because the noise has always soothed her. When her “witching hour” approaches (she admits it’s four o’clock every afternoon), Sharon retreats to her bedroom, closes the door, turns on the tape, switches off the light, plops on the bed, and zones out—that is, for just five minutes. She swears those five brief minutes are enough to fortify her to calmly handle an inevitable colicky baby, fix dinner, and survive the evening homework routine. (By the way, she arranged for her mother to phone her preschooler each day at four o’clock, and tucks the baby safely in her crib for a quick nap. Can you find a way to “take five” each day?)
2. Give yourself a time-out. The very moment you feel your blood pressure start to rise, acknowledge it. Stress comes right before anger and studies show we usually have only seconds to stop that pressure buildup. So start tuning into your own unique physiological stress signals (the pounding heart, the clenched fists, the grinding teeth, the raised voice). And then give yourself a quick break from your kids to calm yourself down. Just announce: “Mommy needs a time-out.” In fact, promise yourself that from this moment on whenever you feel you can’t control your temper, just walk away. If you need to lock yourself in your bathroom to get back in control, do it! It’s the best way to prevent your own meltdown and you’ll also be modeling to your kids how to use self-control. What a great lesson!
3. Use self-talk. Learn to say a simple, positive message to yourself to control your temper. Ideas might be: “Stop and calm down.” “Stay in control.” Or: “I can handle this.” Choose a phrase you feels most comfortable saying, then rehearse it a few times each day until you can use it. One mom from my playgroup actually wrote her calm-down phrase on a card and put it in the diaper bag. Her baby was a real “mover and shaker” and changing his diaper used to drive her to the edge. She’d open the bag, read the card, and immediately remind herself to calm down. It worked!
4. Teach: “Stop and Breathe.” As soon as you feel you’re losing your temper, say to yourself: ‘Stop! Calm down”, and then take a deep, slow breath (or two or three), pronto. Getting oxygen into your brain is one of the fastest ways to relax. Try it! I used this strategy when my kids were young, and they quickly figured it out. From that moment, they loved being my little reminders anytime my patience-level dropped: “You need to do that ‘Stop and Breathe’ thing, Mom!”, they’d chime. (Isn’t it amazing that our kids can read our stress signs before we can? If they could only figure out their own).
5. Imagine something calming. Think of a person or place that helps you feel calm and peaceful—for instance, your spouse, the beach, your bed, your backyard. Right before your temper stares to flare and you feel those body warning signs kick him, close your eyes and think of the face or the spot while breathing slowly.
6. Elevator breathing. Close your eyes, slowly breath out three times, then imagine you’re in an elevator on the top of a very tall building. Press the button for the first floor and watch the buttons for each level slowly light up as the elevator goes down. As the elevator descends, your stress fades away.
7. Stress melting. Find the spot in your body where you feel the most tension; perhaps your neck, shoulder muscles, or jaw. Gently close your eyes, concentrate on the spot, tense it up for three or four seconds, and then let it go. While doing so, imagine the stress slowly melting away.
Anger management isn’t just for Mommies. Why not get your whole family involved in learning how to cope with quick tempers?
A mother of two sons aged 13 and 11, from Tulsa, Oklahoma, told me she realized that her whole family needed tune up self-control. She began by writing “Self-control” in huge letters across the top of a monthly calendar and taping it on her refrigerator as a reminder. She also looked for family videos, children’s literature, and news articles of real people using self-control and used them as a springboard for describing why the trait is so valuable. Finally the mom taught them the “Stop and Breathe” strategy and then made sure they practiced it as a family. The result: a calmer, more peaceful household."
Lorelai
http://home-and-garden.webshots.com/album/562645890MtEtoL
"Daca dragoste nu e... nimic nu e..."
lorelaim spune:
Tot despre "Anger Management"... dar cum sa-i invatzam pe copii sa faca fatza furiei:
"Anger Management Strategies for Kids
Five Ways to Help Kids Learn the Virtue of Self-Control and Stay Calm
Palm Springs, CA (July 2001) - Our children are facing much more pressing types of daily stresses than most of us ever dealt with in our childhood. Just think of the kinds of horrific images our kids are exposed to on the nightly news: riots, hate crimes, random shootings, bombings, kidnappings, senseless murders. We're also seeing a troubling increase in bulllying, name-calling, and prejudicial slurs among schoolchildren. Do these issues affect our children? "You bet they do," says Dr. Michele Borba, author of the new book, Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essential Virtues that Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing (Jossey-Bass Publishers, July 2001, ISBN 078795371; 800-956-7739).
"The single greatest trend I've seen as a consultant to hundreds of schools over the past ten years, " Borba says, " is the marked increase in anxiety and anger in our children. We shouldn't kid ourselves: the steady onslaught of stress and violence images is taking a major toll on our children's emotional and moral well-being."
What can parents do? Teach children the critical virtue of self-control so they know how to handle their emotions appropriately when faced with frustrations. In Building Moral Intelligence, Borba gives parents the following five strategies to teach children self-control so they can calm down and learn to handle their anger.
1. Model coolness when facing problems. Showing you can keep your cool, even in crisis, is an important way to help your children learn self-control. You send a clear message: "It may look like a crisis, but by staying cool, I'll be in a better position to solve the problem." Example is always the best teacher: "I need to take a deep breath and stay cool before I call the bank. I can't understand how my account is so overdrawn."
2. Develop a feeling vocabulary. Many kids display aggression because they simply don’t know how to express their frustrations any other way. They need an emotion vocabulary to express how they feel, and you can help your child develop one by creating a "feeling word" poster together. Here are a few: angry, upset, mad, frustrated, agitated, furious, apprehensive, tense, nervous, anxious, irritated, furious, ticked off, irate, incensed. Write them on a chart, hang it up, and when your child is angry, use the words so that he can apply them to real life: “Looks like you’re really angry. Want to talk about it?” Then keep adding emotion words to the list whenever new ones come up in those great “teachable moments” that come up throughout the day.
3. Identify anger warning signs. Explain to your child that we all have our own little signs that warn us we’re getting angry, and that we should listen to them because they can help us stay out of trouble. Next, help your child recognize what specific warning signs she may have that tell her she’s starting to get upset. For example, “I talk louder. My cheeks get flushed. I clench my fists. My heart pounds. My mouth gets dry. I breathe faster.” Once she is aware of her signs, start pointing them out to her whenever she first starts to get frustrated: “Looks like you’re starting to get out of control.” “Your hands are in a fist now. Do you feel yourself starting to get angry?” The more we help kids recognize those early warning signs when their anger is first triggered—usually when they first show signs of tension and stress—the better able they will be to calm themselves down and learn to regulate their own behavior.
4. Use self-talk to stay in control. Experts suggest that another way to help kids stay in control is to teach them to say affirmations-simple, positive messages-to themselves in stressful situations. Here are a few kids that can learn: “Stop and calm down,” “Stay in control,” “Take a deep breath,” and “I can handle this.” Suggest a few phrases to your child, then have her choose the one she feels most comfortable saying; help her rehearse it a few times each day. You might post the words she chooses throughout the house as a reminder. The more your child practices the affirmation, the greater the likelihood she will use it during a difficult situation in which she needs to stay cool and in control.
5. Teach abdominal breath control. Learning to breathe the right way—especially in stressful situations—is one of the most effective ways to stay in control, and so it’s an important technique to teach kids. Experts advise you to teach the relaxation method with your child sitting in a comfortable position, her back straight and pressed into a chair for support. Then show your child how to inhale slowly to a count of five (“one Mississippi, two Mississippi," and so on”), pause for two counts, then slowly breathe out the same way, again counting to five. Repeating the sequence creates maximum relaxation. The trick is to help your child learn to breathe very slowly and deeply and then practice it over and over in a calm, relaxed setting so that she can remember to use the technique during a stressful time.
Teaching kids to use self-control is just one of the many attributes of Dr. Borba's new book. The book covers this and literally hundreds of other ideas, stories, techniques, tips, and parenting strategies to help parents build moral strength in their children. Borba's practical, step-by-step advice will guide parents along their most important role: raising good moral human beings."
Lorelai
http://home-and-garden.webshots.com/album/562645890MtEtoL
"Daca dragoste nu e... nimic nu e..."
lorelaim spune:
Michele Borba - despre tantrums:
"Stress Free Parenting: Prevent Bad Behavior from the Start
Simple Strategies to Permanently Change Bad Behavior
for the Better
Tantrums and Meltdowns
Tantrums are sure to be in the top of parents’ list of “obnoxious kid behaviors” and when your kid uses this routine in public it’s just plain humiliating. Here are a few secrets to stopping those meltdowns.
Anticipate—don’t wait. Your best bet is to always anticipate the meltdown before the explosion. And each child has unique signs that a tantrum is on its way so watch for your child’s: a tight fist, antsiness, a certain whimper – then immediately redirect his behavior. “Want to get out of the stroller and push it with Mommy.” Or distract him: “Look at that little boy over there.”
Do NOT react. Kids use tantrums to get what they want because they’ve learned it works. So never to give in to the outburst. If you must use earplugs do so, turn your back or even walk away: No eye contact, no words, no reaction. In fact, the more involved you are, the longer the tantrum lasts. So don’t react.
Set a consequence. If the behavior persists then set a consequence such as time out. There’s a trick though: time out only works if you use it every time the tantrums occurs and the minute it starts. So wherever you are -- calmly move your kid to a secluded spot—no toys, TV or other kids—so he learns to doesn’t deserve to play or receive attention from anyone when he uses inappropriate behavior. Time starts the minute he is CALM – not before. The rule is usually one minute for age.
Teach self-control. Teach your child how to express strong feelings using words instead of tantrums. Encourage him to tell how he feels: “I’m mad” or “I feel cranky.” Do praise him when he tells you his frustrations: “You asked for help when you were upset. Good for you!” Tantrums are never pleasant, but you can use them to teach your child important lessons on communicating needs and handling frustrations appropriately.
Remember: behavior is learned. Make sure you’re teaching your children the right way to behave, then don’t stop until they do."
Lorelai
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