Se teme de alti copii :(

dianocica spune:

eloise exact asa e si d. nu mai detaliez, parca l ai descris pe el..doar ca a inceput pe la 4 luni si acum are 10. eu am mai descoperit o metoda. cand inca nu a inceput sa planga, e doar in expectativa, eventual pune buzita de jos...cred ca sti exact despre ce vorbesc...tip si eu. dar in acel mod in care ne jucam noi acasa. cand el are chef de tipat, eu il incurajez...de obicei pe casa scarii era nebunie. nu l am oprit niciodata, ba, mai mult, am tipat impreuna...si la fel fac cand suntem in parc si incepe alt copil sa chiraie. si, dupa vreo luna, s au redus considerabil cazurile de plans. ma vede ca tip a joaca si intra el in hora.
felicia

Impotriva bannarii aelitei
diana si david 03.12.06

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Alaptatul Help-line. Pentru Sonia. Pentru Diana. Pentru Darius

speed spune:

"stranger anxiety" e o manifestare destul de des intilnita la copii.si micuta mea a trecut prin asta.a tinut-o aproape un an...
primul articol ce l-am gasit gugalind e destul de bun in privinta asta,arata simptomele si da si indicatii pretioase ))) nu cred ca verisoara are vreo vina...am bolduit ideile ce mi s-au parut extrem de importante in articolul respectiv (daca e nevoie am sa incerc sa si traduc)
http://www.parenting-ed.org/handout3/Specific%20Concerns%20and%20Problems/stranger%20anxiety.htm


Stranger anxiety is the distress that young children experience when they are exposed to people who are unfamiliar to them. Infants can begin to experience stranger anxiety as young as six months of age, but it usually begins somewhere between eight and nine months of age. Before this age, most infants accept unfamiliar people without much fuss. But as infants approach eight and nine months of age, they begin to show strong preferences for the people who care for them the most - usually their parents. At this time infants are beginning to realize that all people are not the same, and that the relationship they have with their primary caregivers is special. They become much more selective about who they will let hold them, play with them, etc. These special activities are usually reserved for close family members.

Stranger anxiety is thought to peak between 12-15 months, and then begin to decrease in severity after that.

Different infants react differently to unfamiliar people. While some may not be upset at all by an approaching stranger, others may protest very loudly when someone they do not know approaches them. The symptoms of stranger anxiety can take many forms; some infants will become very quiet and will stare warily at a stranger, others will cry intensely, and a toddler may try to hide behind a parent standing nearby.


What Parents Can Do

Stranger anxiety is a normal part of development and will occur in some form or another in most children. While in most cases stranger anxiety can not be avoided, there are steps that parents can take to minimize the upset that children feel during this developmental period.

*Don't pressure. Parents should try not to pressure their children to "be sociable." Instead, parents should allow children to become accustomed to new faces and new situations at their own pace. Forcing children to go to people they don't yet feel comfortable with will likely increase anxiety.
*Don't ignore your child's distress. The upset that children feel when they are exposed to unfamiliar people is real. Therefore, this distress should not be shrugged off or ignored by parents. Ignoring this distress can provoke more anxiety and will probably increase clinginess and distress. Instead, parents should, without making too big a deal out of it, address the upset.

*Warn friends and relatives. Parents should let people who might have their feelings hurt by their infant's rejection know that they shouldn't take it personally. Grandparents, for example, might feel bad if their beloved grandchildren won't have anything to do with them. In such instances, parents should explain that this wariness of strangers is a normal part of development and it is not the result of anything they have done or not done.

*Teach friends and relatives appropriate approach techniques. Parents should make sure that friends and relatives are aware of things they can do to make themselves seem less threatening to their children. For example, friends and relatives should be told that young children need time to warm up to unfamiliar people. Instead of rushing in and picking children up, friends and relatives should be told to give children time and space to warm up to them. They can try offering a favorite, familiar toy and waiting for the child to accept it. Friends and relatives can also be told to use soft, calm voices, not to force eye contact, and to take things very slowly.

*Introduce new caretakers (e.g., babysitters) gradually. It is a good idea for parents to allow their children to get to know their caretakers before being left alone with them. Parents should invite new caretakers over to play with their children while they are still present - at first until the two get used to each other. Of course, parents should carefully screen anyone they plan to hire to care for their children. When parents introduce their children to a new childcare center, they should visit the center with their children and perhaps stay and play a few times before their children are left there. Whatever arrangements parents make for their children's care, consistency is an important element. For example, instead of hiring a different babysitter every time they go out, parents should try to enlist the services of perhaps one or two sitters, so their children have the opportunity to get used to and to develop friendships with the people who are hired to care for them.

*Provide reassurance. Children often need comfort and reassurance from their parents as they go through this developmental phase. Therefore, parents should try to be available to reassure their children when they face new people. Parents should also provide lots of love and affection through both words and gestures (e.g., hugs and kisses).

*Introduce your children to new people (both children and adults) starting when they are very young. One of the best ways for parents to avoid the development of extreme stranger anxiety is to get their children accustomed to meeting new people at an early age. Parents should take every opportunity to introduce their children to new people.

LiliaToma spune:

Si Amelia a fost asa, poate si mai rau tinand cont ca a mers ft tarziu si a socializat cu putini copii fiind imobilizata.
In timp s-a mai rezolvat, in mare parte incet o ajuta cresa si copiii de acolo, chiar daca se mai plange ca nu stiu cine se uita la ea.
Insa nici acuma nu se baga peste copii la tobogane, leagane si alte minunatii. Daca sunt copii pe-acolo nu vrea sa se bage si ea de frica sa nu o impinga vre-un copil sau mai stiu eu ce.
Eu zic ca trece incet daca avem grija sa le inspiram incredere in ei insisi

Lilia si Amelia(26.09.2004)

Copiii vin pe lume cu agenda lor proprie: unii ne lumineaza viata, unii ne testeaza rabdarea, unii ne dau un scop, altii incep sa aiba grija de noi.. cert este ca atunci cand vin, copiii schimba totul.. ( DH)

eloise spune:

quote:

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Originally posted by Lore71
Si acum: daca in familia voatra exista un exces de armonie, calm, si evitati sa expuneti copilul la TV , sau atragi atentia prietenilor/rudelor etc sa nu tipe in fata copilului, e posibil sa-i fi dezvoltat chiar tu sensibilitatea aceasta.Nu e nimic rau in asta.Poate ca nu neaparat zgomotul tipatului il sperie, ci expresia fetei - ai urmarit si asta?

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Loredana, multumesc pentru mesaj . Intr-adevar, la noi in casa nu se ridica tonul niciodata, si ii avertizam si pe altii (rude, cunoscuti) sa nu vorbeasca/rada prea zgomotos in prezenta copilului. La TV nu ne prea uitam in ideea de a nu-l expune unei asemenea tentatii hipnotizatoare.

Cred ca il sperie cel mai mult tipatul in sine, dar e drept ca e foarte sensibil si la expresiile faciale. De pilda, chipul lui il oglindeste pe al meu cand nu imi pot ascunde ingrijorarea, teama...

quote:

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Mai e o fata a monezii: se spune ca copilul e sindromul parintilor:vezi ce anume ar trebui chiar voi:mama+tata sa "tipati" adica sa va spuneti, si nu o faceti pentru ca va e teama sa nu va deranjati, sau sa nu sufere copilul - voi stiti cel mai bine!

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Asta nu cred ca fie o cauza, pentru ca intre mine si taica-su nu exista lucruri nespuse, totul se discuta cat se poate de deschis si se rezolva prin dialog.

quote:

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Pana una alta, iti recomand, terapeutic muzica lui Mozart

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Vladut asculta muzica de cand era bebelus mic. Mereu il lasam cu cd-playerul pornit, chiar si cand dormea in timpul zilei. Asculta Mozart, Schubert, Debussy, muzica pre-clasica, romantica, a ascultat pana si Bruckner . Volumul sunetului il lasam insa destul de mic.

I'm reading a book. You know... it's like forums, just a little shorter.

Andra si Vladut (14.10.2006)
puiul meu creste...
~*~My dear old pics~*~

eloise spune:

quote:

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Originally posted by dianocica
eventual pune buzita de jos...cred ca sti exact despre ce vorbesc

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Buzita aceea tremuratoare? Care tinde sa ia o forma patrata? Sigur ca o stiu!
Mi se pare excelenta ideea ta si recunosc ca la asta nu ma gandisem. O sa incerc sa fac cum ai descris tu la prima ocazie.

I'm reading a book. You know... it's like forums, just a little shorter.

Andra si Vladut (14.10.2006)
puiul meu creste...
~*~My dear old pics~*~

eloise spune:

Speed, e bun linkul dat de tine, dar tocmai asta spuneam ca ma contrariaza: el nu are deloc stranger anxiety pentru ca e chiar prietenos cu strainii daca acestia au atitudinea afectuos-voioasa pe care majoritatea oamenilor o au fata de cei mici. In locuri publice il surprind mereu razand cu gurita pana la urechi si apoi ii urmaresc privirea sa descopar cine e strainul care zambeste catre fiu-miu si caruia Vladut ii raspunde. Se joaca fara probleme cu strainii si sta in bratele lor... Deci nu e asta, ci o subdiviziune a stranger anxiety, fellow-toddler anxiety i-as putea spune . Desigur ca verisoara nu are nici o vina, ea e o doar un copil mic la randul ei, spuneam doar ca a fost probabil elementul declansator, atat.

I'm reading a book. You know... it's like forums, just a little shorter.

Andra si Vladut (14.10.2006)
puiul meu creste...
~*~My dear old pics~*~

Lore71 spune:

Asta nu cred ca fie o cauza, pentru ca intre mine si taica-su nu exista lucruri nespuse, totul se discuta cat se poate de deschis si se rezolva prin dialog



Ma bucur ca aveti asa o relatie minunata si deschisa! Nu vreau sa las ceva nespus , asa ca indraznesc sa ma justific:faptul ca nu avem un dialog unu-la-unu, fata in fata, m-a facut sa descriu cel putin doua posibilitati, intre care si cea cu relatia dintre soti.Copilul parcurge doar o etapa sociala, sunt o multime de copii care reactioneaza la fel.Va trece ! iar rolul tau e acum sa-i construiesti si consolidezi increderea :in tine, mama lui, in mediul familiar(camera lui, casa in care locuieste) si, din aproape in aproape , in lumea din jur. E de preferat sa nu-l minti cu nimic, chiar daca nu va fi de acord cu adevarul pe care i-l expui; adica:daca trebuie sa pleci undeva, ii spui, iti iei larevedere de la copil,si-l asiguri ca te intorci cat poti de repede, chiar daca plange.El va sti ca nu l-ai mintit, iar mai tarziu, cand va veni vremea sa mergeti la gradi, vei fi mandra de intelegerea si increderea pe care o manifesta copilul tau in tine si in ceilalti.Copii sunt niste mici adulti, inteleg TOT doar ca nu stiu, nu au suficiente resurse sa se exprime.Respecta-l caci singura cale explorata de ei si care a functionat din prima lor zi de viata e plansul !
Cu drag de voi,

goodlyada spune:

Eloise, parca l-ai descrie pe fii-miu.
Totul a inceput pe la varsta de 2 ani si 2 luni. Pana atunci era foarte dornic de copii, de parc,.. Apoi l-am dus intr-un loc de joaca cu tobogane, bile, jucarii, etc unde erau supravegheti chipurile , parintii stand la mese intr-o incapere alaturata. La un moment data ne-at trezit cu el la masa cu obrazul zgariat curgandu-i sange....nu a plans, eu m-am oripilat , l-am sters, am vrut sa plecam insa el a mai vrut la joaca. AM fost sa vorbesc cu fetele care aveau grija de ei si mi-a spus ca nu a observat dar probabil la zgariat un copil. In concluzie nu stiu exact cum s-a intamplat, dar sigur a fost zgariat de un copilas.
De atunci a inceput sa se sperie de tipetele copiilor, a urmat iarna cand a stat mai mult in casa, apoi am inceput sa iesim prin parcuri insa nu era chip sa ne apropiem daca auzea tipete de copii; daca mergeam pe strada si incepea vreu bebelus sa planga se punea si el pe plans. Deci avea 2 ani si cateva luni. Eram disperati, nu se ,mai apropia de copiii de o varsta cu el sau mai mici; ii tolera doar pe cei de scoala si pe adulti. L-am dus la o gradinita particulara de la 2 ani si 8 luni ..il luam de acolo numai cu ochii rosii de plans , plangea de fiecare data cand inceprea vreun copil sa planga. Ce mai ...a fost cumplit. Acum are 4 ani , e in al doilea an la gradinita si daca vede vreu copil ca plange incepe si el inevitabil.