ati face un copil pentru un prieten?
Raspunsuri - Pagina 4
Cristina_C spune:
quote:
Originally posted by redai
Nu infiaza....nici eu nu as infia un copil.de cate ori ar face o gafa, de cate ori mi-ar face probleme m-as gandi din partea cui vin, de la cine le mosteneste.Plus ca nu ai cred acelasi sentiment de parinte cum ar fi daca e al tau.
Si copilul propriu facut cu sotul in dotare iti poate face probleme la un moment dat! Si atunci ce faci, dai vina pe tine sau pe sot, sau pe mai stiu eu ce ruda din partea ta sau a lui?
Liliana a spus foarte bine ce-a spus
.Si eu as fi infiat un copil daca n-as fi putut face unul.
Tisina spune:
redai, hai sa iti spun o poveste: eram ultimul an de liceu. Intr-o seara de iarna, vine tata acasa cu un pui minuscul de pisica gasit in scara blocului. L-am adoptat imediat si i-am pus numele Clara (era fetita). Am crescut-o eu. Dormea cu mine, eu ma ocupam de cele necesare ei, imi era tare draga, ca si cum ar fi fost copilul meu. Unele poate o sa radeti, altele, cele care detineti animale, cu siguranta ma intelegeti. A doua vara de cand era la noi, am plecat la munte cu prietenii, iar in lipsa mea parintii mei au dat-o pe Clara unor cunostinte care locuiau la casa, pentru ca se vedea sarmana ca si-ar fi dorit sa iasa afara. I-a fost mult mai bine la ei decat la noi, pentru ca si ei au indragit-o, plus ca zburda afara si intra in casa doar cand avea ea chef. Nu vreau sa ma lungesc mult, ceea ce vreau eu sa zic este ca am suferit atat de mult dupa aceea (desi am fost de cateva ori in vizita pentru a ma asigura ca e bine), ba chiar pot spune ca inca nu mi-a trecut, desi au trecut foarte multi ani de atunci.
Nu sunt pisica, deci nu era puiul meu, si totusi s-a rupt o bucatica din sufletul meu cand am aflat ca nu o mai am, desi, repet, ei ii era foarte bine in noua casa.
In concluzie: daca astfel de sentimente se pot naste fata de un animal, cum poti spune ca nu poate fi iubit un copil infiat, doar pentru ca nu e nascut de mama adoptiva?
Despre partea cu datul sufletelului ce ti-a crescut in pantec nici nu vreau sa vorbesc.
Car despre "cine poarta vina pentru gafele copilului", ei bine treaba e discutabila, si in nici un caz nu sunt doar "genele" de vina, mai e vorba si de educatia primita de la parinti, adoptivi sau nu. Iar daca apare o greseala cat de grava din partea copilului tu ce faci, incepi sa te intrebi cu cine seamana, sau cum sa "reparati" ce s-a intamplat?
Numai bine!
principe spune:
Mi se pare nobil sa ajuti o familie sa aibe un pui care sa mosteneasca genetic macar unul din parinti.
Problema mare este daca poti sa te desprinzi de el si sa-l dai dupa nastere...eu sigur nu pot.
optiunea adoptarii mi se pare mai lipsita de riscuri ptru familiile care vor bb.
Mata Emma lupta iar cu cancerul
http://www232.rockyou.com/my_gallery.php?source=smgb&instanceid=84575297&islocal=true#
http://www232.rockyou.com/show_my_gallery2.php?instanceid=77828117
MADYN spune:
NU, nu as face. Si nici nu as dona vreun ovul. As sti ca, undeva, in lumea asta exista un puiut al meu, bucata din mine (genetic vorbind si nu numai) dar departe de mine.
Redai 
cred ca lipsa de experienta in ale vietii te-a facut sa vorbesti asa! Poate te mai gindesti!
Mady 
si Mihai Nicolae 
- My little treasure (01 august 2006)
principe spune:
quote:
Originally posted by Cristina_Cquote:
Originally posted by redai
Nu infiaza....nici eu nu as infia un copil.de cate ori ar face o gafa, de cate ori mi-ar face probleme m-as gandi din partea cui vin, de la cine le mosteneste.Plus ca nu ai cred acelasi sentiment de parinte cum ar fi daca e al tau.
Si copilul propriu facut cu sotul in dotare iti poate face probleme la un moment dat! Si atunci ce faci, dai vina pe tine sau pe sot, sau pe mai stiu eu ce ruda din partea ta sau a lui?
Liliana a spus foarte bine ce-a spus
Si eu as fi infiat un copil daca n-as fi putut face unul.
gafe facem cu totii si nu este un sfarsit de lume ,trist este insa sa gandim cum gandesti tu.
copilul adoptat mosteneste doar componenta genetica de la progenitorii lui,de cea educativa te ocupi tu si societatea,deci daca face greseli, le poate face deoarece tu nu l-ai educat cum trebuie,face greseli findca este om si omul nu este perfect ..insa vina progenitorului nu este.
Mata Emma lupta iar cu cancerul
http://www232.rockyou.com/my_gallery.php?source=smgb&instanceid=84575297&islocal=true#
http://www232.rockyou.com/show_my_gallery2.php?instanceid=77828117
Alexa Ioana spune:
quote:
Originally posted by redai
Nu infiaza....nici eu nu as infia un copil.de cate ori ar face o gafa, de cate ori mi-ar face probleme m-as gandi din partea cui vin, de la cine le mosteneste.Plus ca nu ai cred acelasi sentiment de parinte cum ar fi daca e al tau.
lore... si eu cred ca lipsa de experienta te fac sa gandesti asa... pacat...
nu nasterea in sine transforma o femeie in mama, la fel cum nu genetica face un grup de oameni sa fie o adevarata familie.
nu are sens sa ma apuc de dat argumente genetice... o pot face, daca e cazul...
la fel cum spunea si liliana, intensitatea sentimentului de parinte nu se masoara asa... si iti garantez liliana este cel putin la fel de mult parinte pentru copiii ei, cum esti si tu pentru copilul tau. la fel si eu, la fel si multe alte mamici adoptive de aici...
lorelaim spune:
Stiu regulile DC - mii de scuze ca nu am apucat sa traduc acest articol in lb ro si l-am postat direct in engl - dar mi s-a parut f interesant pt suvbiectul de fatza.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=514230&in_page_id=1879
Now I realise how hopelessly naive I was to become Britain's first surrogate mother, admits Kim Cotton
By HELEN WEATHERS - More by this author »
Last updated at 00:06am on 14th February 2008
Shortly after the birth of her first grandchild three years ago, Kim Cotton had the following conversation with her daughter Anouska.
Besotted with her newborn baby, Anouska told her mother: "I could never, ever do what you did."
What Kim Cotton did 23 years ago has haunted her ever since.
Kim Cotton says the 'rent a womb' trade is fraught with dangers
In 1985 she became Britain's first commercial surrogate mother - paid £6,500 to have a baby for an infertile foreign couple, in an arrangement brokered through an American agency.
When the deal leaked out, Kim sold her story for a further £15,000, prompting a public outcry over "rent-a-womb" arrangements which appeared to hinge on finances rather than the welfare of the child and the suitability of the prospective parents.
In the resulting furore, Baby Cotton was made a ward of court after she was born and looked after by nurses until a court decided, seven days later, that she should be adopted by the couple who had paid for her.
So how does Kim, 51, feel about it all now? Does she agree with her 28-year-old daughter?
Does she regret giving away Baby Cotton, who, having been conceived with her egg and the sperm of the father, was biologically half hers?
Kim thinks carefully before she speaks.
"No, I don't regret it," she says.
"How can you regret creating a life and helping an infertile couple to become parents?
"How can you regret giving them that joy? What I do regret is the way in which it was done."
Kim, married to Geoff and the mother of two young children when she agreed to become a surrogate, never met the Swedish couple she helped.
For 23 years they have remained anonymous, and Kim has received not one single letter or photograph of the daughter she conceived for them.
This she now believes was wrong and blames her own youthful naivety for believing she could walk away emotionally unscathed.
Indeed, shortly after Baby Cotton was born she said: "You can cut off all maternal feeling if you try hard enough."
Over the years, however, she has learned to her cost that you can't cut off all feeling - maternal or not.
"In my 20s I was a timid little mouse - I wouldn't say boo to a goose.
"I thought I was a nobody, but through surrogacy I thought I could become a somebody," she says, admitting that she was also partly motivated by money.
"I had two young children. I'd had two trouble-free pregnancies and I thought this was the one thing I was really good at.
"When you are helping someone else have a baby, you feel so good about yourself, and with the money I received I could improve the quality of my children's lives.
"I don't know how I knew I'd be able to give up the baby, but somehow I knew that I could.
"But I now feel it was wrong to do it for a couple I'd never met and with whom I've had no contact since.
"I've had contact over the years with a friend who was involved in the surrogacy, so I know a little bit about them, but I don't know if her parents have told Baby Cotton about me."
In 1991, Kim also carried twins for an infertile friend who did not pay her.
"My second experience of surrogacy was completely different.
"It was fantastic. We became very close and are still friends to this day.
"I see her children all the time and it worked out very well.
"And that's how I think it should be. If a couple are desperate to be parents, they should be there throughout the pregnancy.
"They should be there for every scan and ante-natal appointment.
"A surrogate needs a positive relationship with the people she is helping.
"I believe it is important for the surrogate's emotional health."
Then she adds: "You know, I'm not hard to find, so if Baby Cotton knows about me and really wanted to get in contact, I think she would have done by now."
One gains the impression that this would be entirely welcome.
"I've talked to my own daughter about it and she understands why I did it - but now that she's a mother herself, she knows that she could never do it herself, and I respect that.
"She has never criticised me for it; it's just something she would find impossible."
These days, Kim, married for 33 years, mother to Anouska, 28, and Jamie, 31, and grandmother of two, likes to distance herself from the whole thorny issue of surrogacy.
In 1988 she founded the charity COTS (Childlessness Overcome Through Surrogacy), an introduction agency for surrogates and potential parents, but quit in 1999 after a series of scandals, for which she felt personally and unfairly blamed, and a damning expose on television's Panorama.
There were tales of surrogates refusing to hand over the babies once they were born, of secret abortions and health scares, of some surrogate mums becoming physically attracted to the sperm donors and of adoptive mums changing their minds at the 11th hour, leaving the surrogate holding the baby.
Such cases prompted legislation making it illegal for surrogates to be paid, allowing them "expenses" instead, but still there are people who believe Kim - albeit it with the best intentions - opened an ethical and moral can of worms.
Today, while still a patron of COTS, she is the successful managing director of Tablewhere - the company she established to supply replacement pieces of china from discontinued lines.
Here she is known simply to her employees as "KC".
"Two of my employees were talking the other day and one of them said to the other: 'That surrogate mother Kim Cotton lives somewhere round here,'" says Kim
"And the other one said: 'Yes, that's your boss you're talking about.'
"You should have seen her face. To be honest, it's not something I publicise because I've moved on with my life now.
"For years, whenever surrogacy went wrong, I'd get the blame - and it drove me to the brink of a nervous breakdown.
"I became a very defensive and hard person, but now that I have distanced myself I am much happier and softer.
"Surrogacy changed me as a person - but it wasn't all for the bad.
"I learned to stand up for myself and what I believe in.
"I don't think I'd be running a company now if I hadn't been through that experience."
Kim still believes that surrogacy can be a force of good, and should not be outlawed.
More than 500 surrogate babies have been born since COTS was set up and, she says, despite popular belief, the vast majority have been successful.
"It's only the disasters you ever hear about," says Kim, "not the success stories.
"There are hundreds of children - happy children - and their parents who wouldn't exist today if it hadn't been for surrogacy.
"When I became the first, people were shocked - but now it has become accepted.
"No one bats an eyelid, which I think is a good thing. When it works well, it works very well."
Indeed, a 2002 study by the Family and Psychology Research Centre at City University in London found that infertile couples who use a surrogate mother to start a family showed exceptional levels of love and parenting skills.
It also found that babies born to surrogates show no differences in temperament or behaviour from those who are conceived naturally, and that the overwhelming majority of surrogate mothers experienced no doubts or emotional problems when handing over children to the families who commissioned them.
Kim, however, is the first to admit that surrogacy can be fraught with problems - some of which can be devastating for all concerned and potentially dangerous, and that is why she has broken the promise to herself never to speak about surrogacy again.
Last month, it emerged that one of Britain's most prolific surrogates, 43-year-old Jill Hawkins, had lost the twins she was carrying in her eighth pregnancy, which she had embarked on despite serious concerns about her age and health, as well as opposition from her own family.
In an interview with the Mail, Jill revealed she was determined to have just one more baby to help a couple complete their family, despite having a nine-year history of depression and having undergone a gastric band operation to help her lose six stones.
Kim first met Jill when she applied to become a surrogate at the age of 26.
COTS had a policy of only accepting women who'd completed their families, but Jill, who was childless, was taken on despite serious misgivings.
"When I first met Jill, I didn't want to take her on," says Kim.
"We grilled her and grilled her because she was the first childless woman we'd considered.
"We were reluctant, but what struck us were her strength, intelligence and determination.
"She told us that she longed to experience pregnancy, but did not want to be a mother herself, and was so convincing we took her on.
"She turned out to be one of our biggest success stories.
"All the couples Jill has helped absolutely love her to bits because she is such a compassionate, lovely, beautiful, kind woman.
"They want her to become a part of their families and their children's lives.
"I would never say a bad word about Jill, but I think she's gone too far now with this eighth pregnancy, and for her own sake I'm begging her to stop.
"She's 43 years old, her last pregnancy was very difficult and she's just had a miscarriage. I believe her body is telling her to stop.
"Jill is a very optimistic and giving person, but she needs to take a step back.
"Sometimes I think desperation over-rules sensible decision-making, and I think both she and the parents she is trying to help complete their family have lost perspective.
"What's driving her on is the delight she knows she can bring to these people.
"The problem with surrogates such as Jill is that I believe they become addicted to the 'feel-good' factor of helping an infertile couple have a child.
"It is an absolutely amazing feeling. You are in a unique situation.
"You are the centre of this couple's world, you feel so special, and the bond you create with them - rather than the child - is what becomes so addictive.
"But unfortunately it doesn't last. Once the baby is born and the couple take their child away to start family life, it's over, even though they may stay in contact.
"This can be a very difficult time for the surrogate and the temptation for 'just one more' is immense.
"I knew after four pregnancies - one with twins - that my body couldn't go through another one even if I'd wanted to.
"But for some surrogates who want to go on and on, it's all about recreating that feel-good factor time and time again.
"I just wish Jill could find something to feel good about in herself, something to fill that void, because she is the most lovely person who really deserves to be happy."
Perhaps Kim wishes she had never signed Jill up, but no.
"Jill has been a fantastic surrogate. She has given birth to seven healthy children and made their parents so happy.
"In that respect, I have no regrets at all about taking her on. But she's done enough: she needs to stop now."
Kim concedes that despite all the vetting, the rules and the counselling that takes place at COTS, there is always scope for surrogacy to go wrong - and no amount of legislation will change that.
"The problem is that once you have introduced the surrogate to the prospective parents and they have formed a relationship, they are beyond your control.
"And you have people ignoring the rules. Some even inseminate themselves the first day of meeting the couple, which is madness.
"You need to spend months getting to know your couple, to find out if they are good match for you.
"When I was a surrogate I had a thing about smoking. I wouldn't have a baby for smokers.
"It was something I felt passionate about.
"When it goes wrong I have sympathy for both sides," she says, "although over the years my sympathies lie more with the prospective parents.
"There are some surrogates who have unfortunately behaved badly; but there are also some couples who try to use and exploit the surrogate.
"All they are interested in is the baby.
"Sometimes the relationship with the prospective parents goes sour during the pregnancy.
"They may feel neglected if there is little communication or they are not made to feel special - because having a baby for someone else is a very big step to take.
"The surrogate may start thinking that this couple who can't be bothered to come to ante-natal appointments might not make very good parents, so why should they hand the baby over?
"But I think that if you enter into an arrangement to have a baby for an infertile couple, then you should see it through despite your misgivings.
"Especially if it is the father's child. Any doubts about the couple should be dealt with before you become pregnant."
Kim believes the ideal situation involves a surrogate carrying an embryo conceived by IVF, using the father's sperm and the mother's egg or donor egg, which is then implanted in the womb.
Most surrogates, she believes, would find it easier to hand over a baby which is not biologically theirs and be more reluctant to renege on an agreement.
"There will always be a need for COTS, regardless of the problems over the years, because otherwise people will take a DIY approach without any advice or counselling," says Kim.
"For every disaster there are many more success stories that people never hear about.
"How could I regret anything when I think of all those children who otherwise would never have existed?"
Including Baby Cotton, the one who started it all.
Lorelai
"Daca dragoste nu e... nimic nu e..."
redai spune:
[quote]Originally posted by Tisina
In concluzie: daca astfel de sentimente se pot naste fata de un animal, cum poti spune ca nu poate fi iubit un copil infiat, doar pentru ca nu e nascut de mama adoptiva?
----------------------
Nu am zis ca un copil adoptat nu poate fi iubit.Sunt sigura ca sunt iubiti.
La problemele care le face nu m-am gandit la probleme minore. M-am gandit la probleme majore , care chiar nu mai depind de educatie.Ma refer la un plecat de acasa.....(ca ai incercat sa il faci sa invete mai mult)
Am niste prieteni de familie foarte buni.In urma cu mai multi ani au infiat o fetitza. Au hotarat sa ii spuna de la inceput ca este adoptata. Totul a fost bine pana pe la 13 ani cand fetitza a hotarat ca ii este mai bine in alta parte. A plecat la o colega care era si ea infiata. ce puteau face acei parinti?
Poate am deviat de la subiect , dar e un exemplu care nu tine de educatie. mentionez ca aceasta familie nu este una oarecare, nu sunt oameni simpli.Si azi asteapta fetitza (care e domnisoara) sa se intoarca.
Parintii adoptivi normal ca isi iubesc copii. dar nu cred (parerea mea) ca simt aceeasi dragoste care o simtim noi mamele biologice. As vrea sa isi dea cineva cu parerea care are un copil adoptat si unul biologic, daca e cineva printre noi.e normal sa te doara daca e racit , daca e bolnav.....(copilul infiat), dar eu sustin, nu cred ca e aceeasi dragoste.
Daca este copilul meu si face gafe, prostii mai mari sau mai mici stiu ca este al meu, asha mi l-a dat Dumnezeu, nu l-am ales eu , sau el pe mine dintr-un centru de plasament.daca face asha inseamna ca intr-adevar nu l-am educat cum trebuie. oare intr-o zi nu mi se ridica un semn de intrebare "daca il luam pe celalalt?"
Poate spun prostii.
Cineva a zis ca din cauza varstei gandesc asha.De unde stiti prin ce am trecut eu prin viata?de unde stiti ca nu sunt eu acel copil infiat intr-o familie care are si copii biologici?
Stiti ce e in sufletul meu?
Lore, mamicutza de print David
Poze David Vlad
" target="_blank">varsta David
Tisina spune:
Draga redai, scuza-ma dar dupa parerea mea nu prea ai ales bine exemplul, pentru ca in cazul povestit de tine tocmai de educatie tine comportamentul fetei, si nu de "ereditate". Ce vina au parintii naturali ca cei adotptivi si fetita nu au gasit o cale de comunicare?
Cand copilul face gafe si prostii, mai mari sau mai mici, nu face pentru ca "asa ti l-a dat Dumnezeu" ci pentru ca asa l-ai crescut. Nu sunt de acord ca alticineva trebuie invinuit pentru ceea ce am facut sau n-am facut noi.
In legatura cu dragostea fata de copilul natural si cel adoptat, poate asa simti tu, insa eu nu sunt de acord cu asta. Dar e opinia ta, si eu o respect, deci nu mai intru in argumente.
Imi pare rau daca ai avut o viata grea sau nefericita. 
redai spune:
Parerile sunt impartite. nu as infia un copil.Nu mi-as da copilul pentru nimik in lume Daca nu as putut avea un copil as fi apelat la o mama purtatoare (din tara sau strainatate, sunt care accepta).
Nu mai are rost sa argumentez parerea mea.pna la urma nu asta era topicul. FIecare si-a spus parerea.
Lore, mamicutza de print David
Poze David Vlad
" target="_blank">varsta David