Adevaruri (sau minciuni) despre casatorie

Cu scuze anticipate, revin mai tirziu si cu traducerea sau, daca are cineva putintel mai mult timp, il/o invit sa-mi dea o mina de ajutor cu traducerea, poate e nevoie:
> MARRIAGE
> >
> > 1. Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence a life sentence).
> > 2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
> > 3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
> > 4. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.
> > 5. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
> > 6. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
> > 7. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
> > 8. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
> > 9. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. Father: That's true everywhere, son,EVERYWHERE!
> > 10. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
> > 11. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defence.
> > 12. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
> > 13. Confucius says: man who sinks into a woman's arm soon have arms in woman's sink.
> > 14. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
> > 15. Eighty percent of married man cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.
> > 16. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin.They can't face each other, but still they stay together.
> > 17. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
> > 18. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.
> > 19. "I married Miss right, I just didn't know her first name was Always."
> > 20. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.
> > 21. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
> > 22. A man was complaining to a friend: "I HAD IT ALL MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE." "WHAT HAPPENED?" asked his friend. He says "MY WIFE FOUND OUT."
> > 23. WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lights on.
> > 24. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another: "AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER?" The other replied, "YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN."
> > 25. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.
> > 26. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
> > 27. A man inserted an ad in the paper "WIFE WANTED". The next day he received a hundred letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.
> > 28. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.
> > 29. They say women in the U.S. have a longer life expectancy than men... I think we just choose to die sooner!

liviu`s spune:

Foarte faine.

dodo spune:

Revin cu traducerea promisa, desi e relativa - unele cuvinte isi pierd sensul umoristic si farmecul prin traducere. In fine:
1.Casatoria nu este un cuvint. Este o sentinta (o condamnare pe viata)
2.Casatoria este dragoste. Dragostea este oarba. De aceea casatoria este o institutie pt. orbi.
3.Casatoria este o institutie in care barbatul isi pierde burlacia si femeia isi ia rolul de stapin.
4.Viata de cuplu este plina de incintare si frustrare: in primul an de casatorie, barbatul vorbeste si femeia asculta. In al doilea an, femeia vorbeste si barbatul asculta. In al treilea an, barbatul si femeia vorbesc si vecinii asculta.
5.Sa te casatoresti seamana foarte mult cu a merge la restaurant cu prietenii. Comanzi ce vrei, si cind vezi ce au ceilalti, iti doresti sa fi comandat acel fel in locul a ceea ce ai.
6.Era odata un tip care a mormait ceva in biserica si s-a trezit insurat. Un an mai tirziu, a mormait ceva in somn si s-a trezit divortat.
7.O casnicie fericita e o chestiune de a da si a primi. Barbatul da si femeia primeste.
8.Fiul: cit costa o casatorie, tata?
Tatal: nu stiu, inca mai platesc pt.ea!
9.Fiul: este adevarat, tata, am auzit ca in China antica barbatul nu-si cunostea sotia pina dupa ceremonia de casatorie?
Tatal: e adevarat, fiule peste tot in lume, PESTE TOT!!
10.Dragostea este un vis dulce si lung, casatoria e ceasul desteptator
11.Se spune ca atunci cind barbatul tine femeia de mina inainte de casatorie inseamna dragoste, cind o tine de mina dupa se cheama auto-aparare.
12.Cind un brabat proaspat casatorit arata fericit, ne uitam si intelegem de ce. Dar cind unul cu 10 ani "vechime" arata fericit, ne intrebam "de ce"?
13.Confucius spune: un barbat care se topeste in bratele femeii curind va avea miinile in chiuveta ei
14. Cind un barbat iti fura nevasta, nu exista razbunare mai dulce decit sa-l lasi sa o pastreze.
15.80% din barbatii casatoriti inseala in America, restul de 20% in Europa.
16.Dupa casatorie, femeia si barbatul devin ca fetele unei monezi: nu se pot vedea la fata dar ramin impreuna
17.Casatoria este atunci cind femeia si barbatul devin una. Problema apare cind incearca sa hotarasca care dintre ei.
18.Inainte de casatorie, barbatul tinjeste dupa femeie. Dupa, el cistiga (bani) pt. ea.
19.M-am casatorit cu d-ra potrivita ( aici in sensul de DREPTATE). Numai ca nu am stiut ca prenumele ei este INTOTDEAUNA
20.Nu este adevarat ca cei insurati traiesc mai mult ca burlacii, numai timpul scurs pare mai lung.
21.Sa pierzi o sotie e greu. In cazul meu e imposibil
22.Un tip se plinge prietenului sau: aveam de toate, bani, o casa frumoasa, dragostea unei femei frumoase si, deodata, pac! totul s-a sfirsit! Ce s-a intimplat, intreaba prietenul? A aflat nevasta-mea!
23.Nevasta spune: hai sa iesim si sa ne distram undeva diseara! OK, spune sotul, daca vii inaintea mea, lasa lumina aprinsa pe hol!
24.La o petrecere, o tipa ii spune alteia ca poarta verigheta pe un deget gresit. M-am casatorit cu un barbat in mod gresit.
25.Barbatul este incomplet pina la casatorie, dupa aceea este un om terminat
26.Nu conteaza de cite ori un tip insurat isi schimba serviciul, totdeauna va avea acelasi sef.
27.Un tip da un anunt in ziar: "caut nevasta". A doua zi primeste 100 de scrisori cu acelasi continut :"poti sa o iei pe-a mea!"
28.Cind un barbat deschide usa unei femei, de un lucru poti fi sigur: ori masina, ori femeia sint noi
29.Se spune ca in State speranta de viata la femei e mai mare. Cred ca noi (barbatii)hotarim sa murim mai devreme!

Daca v-au placut, mai vin si alta data pe-aici!!!