pilula de ras...-zilnica
Raspunsuri - Pagina 6
NicoletaB spune:
Fiul catre tata a doua zi dupa noaptea nuntii:
- Tata eu divortez!
- Ai innebunit, asa repede, ce s-a intamplat?
- Nu conteaza eu divortez!
- Mai fiule, mie poti sa-mi spui sunt tatal tau, care e problema?
- Tata, sotia mea este virgina!
Dupa un timp de gandire spune tatal:
- Apoi fiule ai dreptate! Ce nu le-a trebuit altora nu ne trebuie nici noua!
dante01 spune:
- Un american care traieste in Florida poate fi inmormantat in LA ?
- Nu, pentru ca traieste !
- Ce animal poate sari mai sus decat casa ?
- Toate animalele, pentru ca o casa nu poate sari.
- Care este deosebirea intre un tigan si o fata mare ?
- Tiganul tot tigan ramane.
- Ce are patru picioare si o mana ?
- Un doberman, dupa ce s-a jucat cu postasul.
- Care este asemanarea dintre un vultur si o cartita ?
- Amandoi umbla pe sub pamant, cu exceptia vulturului !
- Care este diferenta dintre vina si pacat ?
- E vina sa te culci cu nevasta altuia, dar e pacat sa ratezi ocazia!
- Ce deosebire este intre politie si vant ?
- Politia bate mai tare...
- Exista vreo diferenta intre un mort care a fumat si unul care n-a
fumat ?
- Exista ! Mortul care n-a fumat e mai sanatos!
John isi invita mama la cina. In timpul mesei, mama nu isi poate dezlipi ochii de la colega de apartament a lui John, Julie. O frumoasa !Mama, mama !
De mult banuia mama ca cei doi nu sunt doar amici, iar John banuind ce se leaga la mama lui in cap, o invita discret in bucatarie si-i spuse a mia oara ca Nu este nimic intre el si Julie in afara de plata fifty-fifty la chirie.
A doua zi, Julie il anunta pe John ca nu mai gaseste
sosiera de argint folosita la cina aseara si ca ea, personal, o banuieste pe mama lui ca prea se uita la ea urat peste masa.
John ii scrie imediat o scrisoare mamei :
"Draga mama, Nu spun ca AI LUAT sau NU AI LUAT sosiera de argint aseara dar adevarul este ca ea lipseste si trebuia sa-ti trimit o notificare.
Cu drag, al tau John."
Raspunsul mamei a fost prompt:
"Draga John, NU spun CA TE ...... cu Julie sau NU TE ......... cu Julie dar adevarul este ca daca ar fi dormit azi noapte la ea in pat ar fi gasit sosiera ascunsa de mine sub perna. Cu mult drag, mama" 
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badjoke spune:
Strula ajunge capul mafiei in Romania si este invitat la o conferinta a mafiotilor din Italia.La sfarsit capul mafiei din Italia il ia pe strula deoparte si-l intreaba:
-Spune-mi ai tu o casa asa ca si a mea?
-Strula raspunde ca nu!
_Dar atatea Mertane in curte, ai?
-Strula iar raspunde ca nu!
-Bine,dar un lant asa gros de aur la gat, ai?
-Strula din nou spune nu!
-Ei bine, atunci cand o sa ai toate acestea sa te intorci la mine!
Strula nervos merge acasa si-i striga servitorului:
-Ioane,darama 2 etaje de la casa, apoi du-te si vinde elicopterele si cumpara numai mertane, si in final baga cainele in casa ca lesa trebuie s-o port eu!!!
La un spital de nebuni, un pacient tragea dupa el o sfoara,un doctor il vede si, curios, il intreaba:
D:De ce tragi Marine sfoara aia dupa tine?
N:Pai daca o imping, se indoaie.
Miezul noptzii...
un tip se trezeste avand un puternic impuls de a face pipi...
somnoros se intoarce pe dreapta in sperantza ca ii trece...
nimic....
se intorce pe stanga dar dupa cinci minute renuntza...
se ridica anevoie din pat se duce la baie si incepe a face pipi....
uitandu-se in jos se adreseaza cu obida organului....
- Vezi, eu ma scol cand vrei tu...
dante01 spune:
Doamnelor si domnilor, avionul nostru se va prabusi in ocean si in jur e plin de rechini. Luati de sub scaune vestele de salvare si cutiuta cu crema. Trebuie sa va ungeti pe corp, cu crema impotriva rechinilor.
- Si nu ne mai mananca ?...
- Ba da, dar cu scarba....
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dante01 spune:
Povestea e mai lunga , dar MERITA citita .
this joke (following) is indisputably the funniest joke IN THE WORLD(although a survey stated that it was the hunter in the woods joke). (kinda sad...but incredibly funny at the end.
In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone who occasionally has a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone:
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a telephone call that I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and may I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the
last two digits.
After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still laying on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled, "You're a jackass!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass" and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He would
answer and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!" It always cheered me up.
Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me. I would have to stop calling the jackass. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number and heard his voice. "Hello?"
I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our new caller ID program." He answered, "No!" and slammad down the receiver. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jackass!"
The reason I'm taking the time to tell you this story is to showyou how if there's ever anything bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial 555-1212.
(Keep reading, it gets better.)
One day an old lady at the mall was really taking her time pulling out of her parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to move ever so slowly and she began backing out. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black Camero came flying up the parking aisle in the wrong direction and pulled into her space. I started honking
my horn and yelling, "You can't do that, buddy! I was here first!"
The guy got out of his Camero completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, this guy is a jackass. There sure are a lot of jackasses in this world. I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park.
The next day I was at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling 555-1212 and yelling, "You're a jackass!" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) Then I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro and decided to call him too. After a
couple of rings someone answered the phone. I asked, "Are you the man with the black Camaro for sale?"
"Yes."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the car is parked right out front."
I asked, "What's your name?"
"My name is Don Hansen."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Sure."
"Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down.
After I hung up I added Don's number to my speed dialer. Now I had two jackasses to call whenever I had a bad day. However this wasn't as much fun as it used to be. So I thought about it and came up with a solution.
First, I had my phone dial jackass #1. The man answered nicely and I yelled, "You're a jackass!" But I didn't hang up.
The jackass said, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "No!"
He said, "What's your name, pal?"
I said, "Don Hansen."
He said, "Where do you live?"
"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro is parked out front."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" And I hung up.
Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello."
I said, "Hello, jackass!"
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?"
"I'll kick your butt."
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now, jackass!"
And I hung up. Then I picked up the phone and called the police.
I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home. Another quick call to Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on West 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th
Street to watch the whole thing. Glorious!
I watched two jackasses kicking the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter I also taped it off the evening news!
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badjoke spune:
quote:
Originally posted by dante01
O mamica e cu 21 de ani mai in varsta decat fiul ei. Peste 6 ani mamica o sa fie de 5 ori mai in varsta decat copilul.
Intrebare: Unde este acum taticul?
Ia ziceti, stiti?...
Deasupra mamei!
july_g spune:
Eu stiu raspunsul! EU, eu!
La matematica da -9 luni!
Raspunsul
Taticul e pe mamica! 
dante01 spune:
ARCHER
A duke was hunting in the forest with his men-at-arms and servants; he came across a tree. Upon it, archery targets were painted and smack in the middle of each was an arrow.
"Who is this incredibly fine archer?" cried the duke. "I must find him!"
After continuing through the forest for a few miles he came across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admitted that it was he who shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets. "You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the middle, did you?" asked the duke worriedly. "No my lord. I shot them from a hundred paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy." "That is truly astonishing," said the duke. "I hereby admit you into my service." The boy thanked him profusely. "But I must ask one favor in return," the duke continued. "You must tell me how you
came to be such an outstanding shot." "Well," said the boy, "first I fire the arrow at the tree, and then I paint the target around it."
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malla spune:
fain!!!!!!!
adriana
badjoke spune:
Betivul satului este oprit pe ulita de popa, care ii spune:
-Mai Gheo, daca nu te lasi de bautura asta periculoasa, ai sa te faci
tot mai mic, si tot mai mic, pana ai sa devi un soricel!
Gheo ajunge acasa si-i spune sotiei:
-Fa Marie, daca ai sa observi ca io devin tot mai mic si tot mai mic,
ai sa fi atat de buna sa omori pisica?
Un preot catolic, unul ortodox si un rabin, dupa o obositoare conferinta asupra religiilor, s-au hotarat sa petreaca seara pe malul lacului din apropiere. Se asaza ei pe o buturuga, discuta vrute si nevrute, dupa care hotarasc sa faca o baie in lac. Se dezbraca, lasa hainele pe margine si, goi-pusca, se arunca in lac. Dupa ce ies, nici nu apuca sa se imbrace si niste oameni trec prin zona, venind spre ei. Din reflex, preotii isi acopera zonele intime, insa rabinul isi acopera fata. Contrariat, preotul catolic intreaba: - Bine, rabine, de ce nu ti-ai acoperit si tu partile intime? Rabinul raspunde: - Nu stiu cum este in comunitatea voastra, insa in a mea eu sunt recunoscut dupa fata.
John merge la vanatoare in fiecare week-end.
Merge el in ziua cu pricina sa inchirieze o arma si un caine:
- Cat costa arma, cat costa cainele?
- Arma gratuit, cainele 50$!
- OK!
Vaneaza bine, se intoarce urmatorul week-end:
- Cat costa arma, cat costa cainele?
- Arma gratuit, cainele 100$!
- De ce asa?
- L-am facut agent!
- OK!
Vaneaza bine...bine, se intoarce urmatorul Week-end:
- Cat costa arma, cat costa cainele?
- Arma gratuit, cainele 200$!
- De ce asa?
- L-am facut supervisor!
- OK! Vaneaza bine...bine...bine, se intoarce urmatorul week-end:
- Cat costa arma, cat costa cainele?
- Arma gratuit, cainele 400$!
- De ce asa?
- L-am facut manager!
- OK!
Se-ntoarce foarte dezamagit:
- Ma c...c pe cainele tau, ca de cand l-ai facut manager STA IN CUR SI LATRA!
Un politist vede un automat, se apropie de el si baga o fisa. Deodata, apare un pahar si īncepe sa curga cafea. Politistul ia paharul, īl bea si mai baga o fisa. Din nou apare un pahar, curge cafeaua pe care o bea politistul si actiunea se repeta de mai multe ori, pana cand īn spatele politistului se formeaza o coada destul de mare. La un moment dat, o batrana īl īntreaba pe politist:
- Domnule politist, ne lasati si pe noi sa bem o cafea, ca de o ora stam la coada?
La care politistul indignat raspunde:
-Ce vrei, babo, ti-e ciuda ca doar eu cīstig?
Un tigan conducea Mertzanu' si deodata face pana de cauciuc. Se da jos din masina sa schimbe roata. Un alt tigan apare si il intreaba:
- Ce faci aici mancatzi-ash?
- Pai scot roata.
Atunci al doilea tigan sparge parbrizul si spune satisfacut:
- Gata frate, eu iau casetofonul.