pilula de ras...-zilnica
Raspunsuri - Pagina 19
Jocelyn spune:
John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!” -- That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the best toast of the night.” She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?” John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.” “Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.” She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years...
Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”
*****************************************************
I plan on living forever. So far, so good 
mamica dulce spune:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,but by the
moments that take our breath away.
dante01 spune:
adevarul ca bancurile in engleza parca au o aroma anume...
nu stiu, suna asa...altfel...si au umorul ala englezesc...
in fine, unul din seria asta...
Looking For Sex...
Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call my dog "Sex"
Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to get his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said I didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was 9 year old." He said I must have been quite a kid
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The Clerk said "Me too."
One day I entered Sex in a contest but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex entered in the contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets. "But you don't understand", I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on television." He called me a show-off
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to file for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honour, I had Sex before I got married." The judge said "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex had left me. He said, "Me too."
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked "What are you doing in this alley at 4 in the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for Sex..."
My case comes up on Friday...
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ginutza2002 spune:
George W Bush and Condolisa Rice are having a
meeting... read on.
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new
leader of China.
George: Great. Tell me all about it.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new
leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The main man in China!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you, Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you, or will you not, tell me the name of
the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought
he was dead in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look Condi. I need to know the name of the new
leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the
U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a
glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, Sir
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me
the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars
'Ubita si 'Ubitu'
Asa cum apa in apa se scurge, tot asa zilele mele in ale tale vor curge!
badjoke spune:
Un roman, ajuns in Franta, isi ia "petit dejuner"-ul (cafea,croissant,paine,unt si marmelada) cand un francez, mestecandu-si nelipsita sa guma, se aseaza langa el.
Romanul il ignora in mod vadit, dar in ciuda acestui lucru, francezul il apostrofeaza:
"Voi painea o mancati toata?"
Romanul raspunde, prost dispus: "Evident."
Francezul facand un balon cu guma: "Noi nu. In Franta mancam doar miezul.
Coaja o adunam intr-un tomberon, o reciclam, o transformam in croissant si o vindem in Romania", continua, cu o strambatura insolenta.
Romanul pastreaza tacerea.
Francezul insista: "Voi puneti marmelada pe paine?"
Romanul: "Evident."
Francezul, intorcand guma intre dinti si ranjind,zice:
"Noi nu.In Franta, la micul dejun, noi mancam fructe proaspete, dar punem toate cojile si ramasitele intr-un tomberon, le reciclam, facem marmelada si o vindem in Romania."
Atunci, romanul intreaba: "Voi francezii faceti sex?"
"Bine-nteles!" raspunde francezul cu un zambet imens.
"Si ce faceti cu prezervativele folosite?" continua sa intrebe romanul.
"Le aruncam, bine-nteles."
"Noi nu" conchide romanul "in Romania, le strangem intr-un tomberon, le reciclam, le transformam in guma de mestecat si le vindem in Franta.
> خntr-o padure se deschide un supermarket.
> Toate animalele se aseaza la coada; lupul, vulpea ursul ajung mai la
> urma. Deodata apare iepurele si vrea sa treaca de urs, care era ultimul.
> Ursul suparat îl ia pe iepure la bataie, în cele din urma iepurele scapa
> si vrea sa treaca mai departe dar da de vulpe care suparata ca iepurele
> vrea sa o ia înaintea ei îl ia la bataie.
> Iepurele scapa si de vulpe si ambitionat vrea sa treaca si mai în fata
> dar da de lup care vrea si el sa-l ia la bataie.
> Atunci iepurele suparat începe sa strige:
> - Sa mor daca mai deschid magazinul astazi!
dante01 spune:
Un tip se adreaza unui doctor estetician:
- Domule doctor, cat trebuie sa va platesc pentru a-i face o operatie sotiei mele, asa incat sa devina mai frumoasa?
- 3.000 de euro, veni raspunsul.
Asta se rifica brusc si da sa plece...
Doctorul il intreaba daca vrea sa faca o programare...
- Imi pare rau, este prea mult. Un vanator a cerut doar 30 euro ca sa o impuste, raspunde tipul...
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mamica dulce spune:
In timpul unei vizite la un spital de nebuni, un vizitator il intreaba pe Director ce criterii se folosesc ca sa stabileasca daca un pacient trebuie internat sau nu. "Ei bine', spune Directorul, "umplem o cada de baie, apoi ii oferim pacientului o linguritza de ceai, o ceasca si o galeata si ii cerem sa goleasca cada" "Aha, intzeleg" spune vizitatorul. "O persoana normala va folosi galeata pentru ca e mai mare decat ceasca sau linguritza" " Nu" spune Directorul. "O persoana normala ar scoate dopul ! Doritzi un pat langa geam sau langa usa ?"
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,but by the
moments that take our breath away.
mamica dulce spune:
super toate poantele de aici!!!aia cu bush e de-a dreptul criminala
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,but by the
moments that take our breath away.
dante01 spune:
An armless man walked into a bar, ordered a drink and asked the bartender if he would get the money from his wallet, since he had no arms...
The bartender obliged him. He then asked if the bartender would tip the glass to his lips.
The bartender did this until the man finished his drink. He then asked if the bartender would get a hanky from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips.
The bartender did it and commented it must be very difficult not to have arms and have to ask someone to do nearly everything for him.
The man said, "Yes, it is a bit embarrassing at times. By the way, where is your restroom?"
The bartender quickly replies, "The closest one is in the gas station three blocks down the street."
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mamica dulce spune:
Noutati despre gripa aviara: القصف قصة و عبرة مفاجأة الطواف بالسباحة قصص جريمة هزت السعودية كلوديا سفينة نوح برمودا يقتل الطفل مجاعة الشيعة و عاشورا مسابقة الموت العلاج بالماء فرعون قطار نفرات تهبب فيهم إيـه حدث عامينزعون حجابها كولجيت احذروها أب للبيع جبل جليدي يستاهل في كلية البنات عجائب و غرائب أكرهك دعني الله أعلم شباب آخر زمن ثعبان يبلع رجل فيراري كم/س حكمة الرسول عدد من ….deci clar.... situatia e grava!!!!
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,but by the
moments that take our breath away.