Psihologia copilului (vol 4)
Raspunsuri - Pagina 11
vrabiuta spune:
carmen - am incercat sa iti dau pm dar nu merge.
uite ce am gasit (pana raspunde principesa):
Age 5
Five is a golden age. Development is a smooth organization and synthesis of earlier experiences. Mother is the center of five's world: s/he likes to be with her, please her, watch her, help her and be affectionate to her. “I love you, Mommy” is expressed frequently in a burst of emotional exuberance and quite often accompanied by hugs and kisses. Boys especially may derive mischievous joy from romancing Mother with tight hugs and long kisses in public or in front of father. Five's want to please, they want to do what's right and they like the social interaction of asking and receiving permission. “May I have a cookie?” and “I'm going to the bathroom now, Mommy; is that all right?” are common verbalizations of the 5-year-old and are a welcome change from the obstreperous four. Mothers are often more comfortable with the closeness and dependency of the 5-year-old girl and may be less so with a boy. Although cultural role stereotypes do not endorse dependency as a male value, a boy's need at five to be close and loving with his mother is essential as he, like his female counterpart, moves from the make-believe, fantasy world of infant to the conscious reality of childhood.
Fives are stark realists and want the details of life and living. Death and after death, sex and reproduction are favorite topics for their emerging intellectual philosophizing. They express a greater awareness of time and can talk about past and future. They compare differences between the bodies of girls and boys and show increased awareness of differences between the sex organs of children and adults. With greater awareness of gender identity, boys may reject girls' toys; but both boys and girls want a baby and may dramatize the event by enacting what they know and have assimilated about reproduction. They may attempt intercourse if the setting is conducive and may put a doll under their clothing or between their legs to simulate pregnancy and birth. They may verbally recall being in mother's stomach or futurize a baby, in their own stomach. Boys may still occasionally say, “When I grow up to be a Mommy,” but respond upon questioning that they are destined to become fathers if they choose to parent. Fives talk of marriage, but expect to marry a family member and live at home with their baby. They may be upset and feel abandoned if the parent insists that they will marry a stranger and leave home.
During this time, increased fine motor control is much improved; and although the belly button may be omitted from human figure drawings, genitals are often added, much to the consternation of the kindergarten teacher collecting displays for public school open house! Sex talk is often embarrassing to parents, even though it is honest and forthright on the part of the child. Five-year-old B said, “Sometimes I see one fly sitting on top of another fly.” Her mother replied, “Flies are like that.” She continued, “I've thought and thought, and I've finally figured it out. That must be her big brother giving her a piggy-back ride.”
Fives are basically in emotional equilibrium and evidence inhibitory poise. They can assess social situations and often respond appropriately, delaying their gratification to the proper time and place. They may continue some tension reduction behaviors that are annoying to adults, such as a thumb sucking or holding and rubbing of genitals; but pressure to discontinue the tension relieving behaviors may produce more tension, resulting in even younger patterns of behavior.
Fives have trust and confidence in themselves and others, but only to a point. Negative experiences with a person or expectations beyond their comfort level produce worries and fears that will be communicated to parents or produce symptoms of anxiety. A 5-year-old will often report sexual overtures or sexual behavior, especially from or with an adult, to mother in a matter-of-fact way. Quite often, they have already turned down the invitation; and little needs to be made of it. Five-year-old K reported to his mother that a 12-year-old neighbor girl wanted to see his penis and offered to show him her genitals in return. He had a social conscience and explained, “You know, Mom, she doesn't have a brother to look at, but I told her if she wanted to see a penis, to ask her dad because he has one.” Although there is little reason to suspect peer sex play is a negative experience for 5-year-olds, parents may be uncomfortable with it and hypothesize dire consequences at a later date in order to give themselves permission to prohibit it. In point of fact, every child is initially subject to the value system of his or her parents and the arbitrary rules of the household. It is best to be clear about what the rules are without burdening the young child with fear, doubt and guilt.
Five is an age of fears of violence, the unknown and power (e.g., thunder, darkness, abandonment, retaliation and punishment) that may cause nightmares and inability to sleep alone through the night. It is wise not to inadvertently include sexual concerns in this matrix of anxiety. Fives also have fantasies of omnipotence (Superman) and a sense of humor (tricks, riddles, bathroom jokes, etc.) that can be marshaled to combat their worries and fears. Stories with victorious or humorous outcomes can replace their bad dreams, worries and fears. Five-year-old C dreamed that a snarling wolf came into his bedroom and wanted to bite off his penis. His therapist rewrote the dream so that the wolf was snarling because he was hungry and he had a thorn in his paw. When he saw C's penis sticking up (as it often did during the night), he thought it was food. C woke up and helped the wolf get the thorn out of his paw and fed him some dog food, and they became friends. He gave the wolf a name, and the wolf agreed to watch over him while he slept so no harm could befall him. This revised scenario caused C to gleefully announce that the wolf probably thought that his penis was a weenie, and he revealed that a nursery school companion used that term to designate his penis.
sursa: http://www.ejhs.org/volume3/Haroian/body.htm
foto
Principesa spune:
Carmen, sintetizez un pic ce scrie vrabiuta. Varsta de 5 ani este una a explorarii, curiozitatii. Daca totul merge bine, in curand baietelul ta va intra in faza de latenta, in care interesul pentru sexualitate va adormi pentru a se trezi la pubertate.
Se poate ca baietelul tau sa traiasca o stare de excitabilitate mai accentuata. Ce anume te ingrijoreaza pe tine in acest context?
Fiecare om este un inger cu o singura aripa si numai imbratisandu-ne unul pe altul putem zbura
carmenp spune:
Principesa
, multumesc, acum m-am mai linistit, il voi urmari in continuare si sper sa fie bine.
quote:
Originally posted by Principesa
Carmen, sintetizez un pic ce scrie vrabiuta. Varsta de 5 ani este una a explorarii, curiozitatii. Daca totul merge bine, in curand baietelul ta va intra in faza de latenta, in care interesul pentru sexualitate va adormi pentru a se trezi la pubertate.
Se poate ca baietelul tau sa traiasca o stare de excitabilitate mai accentuata. Ce anume te ingrijoreaza pe tine in acest context?
Fiecare om este un inger cu o singura aripa si numai imbratisandu-ne unul pe altul putem zbura
Carmen,Ilinca&Ionut
tzucurei de tzucurei
cris1511 spune:
Doresc si eun un sfat in legatura cu Andrei care are 2 ani. Pur si simplu suntem disperati, nu stim cum sa ne mai comportam cu el.De fapt de cand era mic tipa si urla mereu, ca tot timpul facea rosu in gat din cauza asta.Este cam tot timpul agitat,pe strada nu merge linistit, doar unde vrea el. Nu mai stiu de cate ori nu am intrat in casa cu el numai in urlete.Nu accepta interdictiile, face crize de urlete ca pana la urma vomita de atata plans, se taraste pe jos.
Are boala masinilor (jucarii si adevarate) si nu intelege ca jucariile celorlalti nu sunt ale lui, pur si simplu le vrea si nu le mai da inapoi.Merg pe strada cu el si ocolesc copii care au nu stiu ce masinute. Are si o tactica: da o jucarie de-a lui ca sa primeasca si el, dar el nu mai vrea sa dea inapoi. Ce scandal iese cand trebuie sa inapoiem jucaria.Nici in parc nu prea mergem de teama asta.
Deja simtim, si eu si sotul,si in curand si bona ca nu mai putem.
Am observat ca, totusi, daca ii face observatie pe un ton mai aspru cineva strain sa nu mai faca un anumit lucru se retrage.
A, si este f atasat de sotul meu, plange daca pleaca de langa el.Vrea sa il imbrace el daca e el prin preajma, pe mine nu ma lasa.Bine, lucrul asta il face si cu mine, daca vrea bona sa il imbrace, vine la mine.Nici nu prea stie sa se joace: doar cu masinile (pe care le-a stricat scotandu-le rotile), mai baga figuri intr-un cilindru, dar se enerveaza daca nu gaseste forma potrivita.Cu alte cuvinte, singur nu prea se joaca.
Ne-am gandit sa consultam un specialist, poate imi recomandati unul bun ca in curand o sa cedam nervos.
Cristina
karmen spune:
Cris1511,
Copilul tau este in plina criza negativista, care apare in general in jurul varstei de 2 ani. Cum sa te comporti cu el in aceste momente? Uite urmatorul articol www.desprecopii.com/info.asp?ID=630, " target="_blank">http://www.desprecopii.com/info.asp?ID=630, poate te inspira. Dupa 2 ani copilul este mai atasat de tata, el devine personajul principal, modelul care il inspira.
De jucat se joaca singuri aproape toti copii, ei se joaca unul langa altul nu unul cu celalalt, asta pana la 3 ani. Dupa 3 ani incep sa relationeze in timpul jocului.
Poti apela la un specialist doar daca ai banuiala ca copilul tau este hiperkinetic. S-a mai discutat de asta pe forum.
Cu bine.
Carmen Ghilescu
irina_ina2000 spune:
Buna Carmen si Principesa!
vin si eu cu o problema referitoare la comportamentul diferit de acasa si de la gradinita.Alexandru are 3 ani jumatate si a fost de la 2ani si patru luni un an la cresa si din septembrie merge la gradinita.Acasa e un copil care nu ridica acum prea mari probleme, se joaca destul de linistit, prefera f mult cartile, muzica si poeziile si din cand in cand se joaca si cu alte jucarii.In schimb la gradinita trage fetele de par , mai impinge ceilalti copii sau chiar mai si bate.Deja am destule reclamatii de la alti parinti si nu stiu ce sa mai fac.Eu acasa ii tot spun ca nu este frumos ce face, ca trebuie sa lase copii in pace dar sincer nici nu ma ajuta prea mult doamnele educatoare ca sa-mi spuna in ce situatii se intampla asa ceva.Eu banui ca el nu stie inca sa se joace cu ceilalti si atunci cauta sa se faca bagat cumva in seama dar asta doar presupun.
Sincer imi este ciuda pentru ca el in rest vorbeste f calm,politicos dar cand ajunge in grupa incepe imediat sa alerge, se agita si parca tot cauta sa se bata cu cineva.Intrebarea este ce pot face ca sa-l schimb sau cum ar trebui eu sa reactionez la acest comportament al lui.
Va multumesc frumos!
voikami spune:
Am nevoie de un ajutor specializat pentru baiatul meu de 13 ani. Dar nu pe forum ci la un cabinet. Din cei ce s-au oferit pe forum, ma poate ajuta cineva "face to face" ? Este vorba de o interventie specializata de care am nevoie, pentru a-mi face baiatul sa iasa dintr-o carapace pe care si-a construit-o, pentru a-l face sa aiba mai multa incredere in el, pentru a-l face sa stie sa lupte pentru ce isi doreste, sa fie mai puternic. Stiu ca toate astea trebuia sa le realizez eu, insa se pare ca unele mi-au scapat din mana ceva vreme in urma si au fost accentuate de divortul prin care am trecut de curand. In rest, este un copil exceptional. Va multumesc.
Principesa spune:
Voikami, raspunsul meu este pozitiv. Ti-am trimis detalii pe mail
Irina, din ce inteleg eu, baietelul are acest comportament in absenta ta, da? In primul rand recomandarea este de a citi topicul de Atasament, poate obtii de acolo ceva informatii. Apoi vreau sa mai detaliezi cate ceva despre acest comportament. Care sunt membrii familiei si cum interactioneaza cu ei? Cum interactioneaza cu copiii de varsta lui in prezenta ta? Cum ai reactionat pana acum la acest comportament?
Fiecare om este un inger cu o singura aripa si numai imbratisandu-ne unul pe altul putem zbura
Dalina spune:
Buna Carmen,
Sincer nu am indraznit pana acum sa iti cer ajutorul dar m-am cam "depresat" in ultima vreme si sincer nu stiu cum ar trebui sa procedez...
Pe scurt, am doi baietei, unul de 1an si 8 luni, unul de 4 ani jumatate. Este clar ca se iubesc dar se BAT mereu. Iar cel mic il musca pe cel mare pana la sange...
Cand il cert sau "ating" pe cel mare, cel mic plange, cand e invers, cel mare rade...
Cel mare este foarte sensibil, recunoaste toate greselile pe care le face dar asta nu il impiedica sa faca in continuare aceleasi greseli...
Ca sa nu mai zic ca mi-a spus ca ii face placere sa bata...sa nu ti se ridice parul pe spinare?
Probabil ca noi am gresit si gresim in continuare. Dar unde?
Mii de multumiri pentru atentie,
Dalina
Principesa spune:
Dalina, daca doresti sa imi detaliezi putin situatia iti pot oferi opinia mea.
As vrea sa stiu cine se ocupa de copii, cine sta cu ei adica. Daca atitudinea lor se modifica in functie de prezenta vreunei persoane. Din cati membrii este formata familia si cum interactioneaza unii cu altii.
Numai bine
Fiecare om este un inger cu o singura aripa si numai imbratisandu-ne unul pe altul putem zbura